“Don’t say such things. You are blessed. You’ve been called. God has sent you the other half of your soul, Cain. I envy your circumstances.”
“You wouldn’t...”
Concern welled inside of her as his words faded. “Why? Why shouldn’t I envy you? This is a blessing, Cain.”
His inner turmoil seeped into his posture, and his strong image wavered, reminding her of him as a young boy.
“What’s the matter, Cain? You’ve become such a cynic.”
“So much of what we’ve been taught is a lie.”
“What do you mean?” Her breathing tightened. No more lies. She needed something to hold on to. She approached the window, looking up at his profile. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
His jaw ticked as his stare bore into the glass. “The first time I touched her, we were in a field. The earth was warm on my back and the air wore the perfume of honeysuckle.”
“A dream?” She’d never had a dream, so she could only hang on his every word, hoping she might someday know a similar fate.
“Yes. Everything was as we hope it will be. But then...” His lips firmed. “She was weightless. I could see her so clearly, but not touch her. I’d speak and she would not answer. Her words were spoken for someone else, yet we were the only ones there.”
Larissa frowned. “That must have been very frustrating.”
“It was torture. I thought, in time, she’d feel me, hear me. But she couldn’t. Until I was so infuriated, I shouted at her and she heard something.”
“Could she be too far away?”
“Distance isn’t an issue. For whatever reason, she can only hear me when she’s afraid. When I’m cruel. She’s so beautiful, Larissa. She’s more than I deserve. But I can only reach her with aggression...” His voice broke and his gaze found hers, pleading for answers she didn’t have. “She fears me.”
“Oh, Cain.” Her heart broke for him. “Forget the dreams. You must go to her in person. If she truly met you, she’d see you’re gentle and kind.”
His unfocused eyes looked over her shoulder. “I created a world of floating flora for her, but she couldn’t see it. I rained butterflies upon her skin, becoming the butterflies myself, hoping to just touch her once. But she felt nothing. It was as if I didn’t exist and she was the purest image of life. I needed some connection to her, so I bit her.” His head lowered. “She screamed. She ripped me down and threw me away. Her denial infuriated me. Who was she to tell me no?”
She drew back, a dark fear unraveling in the pit of her belly. “No, Cain.”
“She’s mine.”
Larissa swallowed. “Do not allow frustration to detract from your honor.”
His eyes leveled on her and narrowed. “Frustration? This went beyond frustration. Her ignorance gutted me. I no longer cared if she loved or hated me, only that she stopped ignoring me. It is my right.”
Her shoulders tightened. “What of her rights, Cain? You must try to be patient.”
His steely eyes cut into her. “You don’t know the kindness I’ve tried. She doesn’t see it or hear it. She only responds to my cruelty. And I suffer her pain. What kind of blessing is that, Larissa? What sort of God offers such a gift? Such torment? It’s merciless, and had I a different choice, I’d refuse my fate, but we know how that ends.”
None of this made any sense. Dreams were for pleasure, a way for called mates to identify the goodness in one another and find each other. “I don’t understand how the things you describe are possible. You must seek out a bonded Elder and ask their advice.”
“It’s too late.”
“You’ll die if you don’t bond with her!”
“I’ll bond. And she’ll despise me for it.” His eyes looked into hers, so deep Larissa feared he saw every shameful secret hidden there. “Just as you hate Silus.”
Her hand fluttered to her pounding heart. “Silus is not my mate. This female is meant for you, Cain. Sometimes there’s no time to...” Her lips pursed. “If that is your only recourse, I’m afraid you must. She’ll eventually forgive you.”
His eyes shifted, his face wearing a mask of defeat. “The God we worship so blindly has sentenced me to a lifetime of apology, an eternity tied to a mate who fears me.”
Her hand moved to his arm in a gentle show of comfort. “Time will mend all. They say the calling is the closest our kind will ever come to heaven.”
His eyes shimmered in the flicker of the lamp. “Yet all I’ve found is hell.”
“Oh, Cain.”
“So while you sit here, biding your time under the reign of a man who treats you to less kindness than he shows his cattle, I’m here to warn you. Destiny is cruel and God is a fool, Larissa. Do not trust the promises we’ve been fed. Make your own future, one that will guarantee your happiness.”