She’s even being civil with my father and Alice.
***
A Week Later
We’re expecting a call today from my lawyer with the results of Sienna’s paternity test.
“Do you want to talk what-ifs?” Jada asks.
She’s at the kitchen counter, using a spatula to press Rice Krispies, butter, and marshmallows into a glass dish. She spent yesterday shopping with Carly and Adele, buying stuff for the kitchen that I didn’t have, including the dish she’s currently using. I spanked her ass for using her own money to buy it but realize she doesn’t want me to think she’s after my money.
“Besides,” she argued back, “The house sold, and it sold for more than asking, so I have money coming. I can splurge on some Pyrex.” She stuck her tongue out at me.
I paid someone to pack her father’s house up after reroofing and painting it. Everything was put in storage before they stuck up the for-sale sign. It sold quickly and it’s been good that it’s one less thing on Jada’s plate.
She’s planning to enroll in a writing class at UC San Diego for starters. She’s having fun with my sister and my sister-in-law. She’s been writing at her new desk, too, but she put a password on her computer. I acted fake outraged that she did that, until she whispered the password into my ear. “Grouchothethird”.
***
She’s talking about her class while she cuts the treats into squares. “At least it’s part-time. So… it won’t be too bad if my responsibilities have to increase.”
“Your responsibilities?”
She bites her lip and looks like she wants to take those words back.
“Are you saying you’re keeping things open in case you have to become a mother unexpectedly” I ask angrily.
“You said you didn’t wanna talk about this until we know. Sorry. I didn’t mean to take us down this road.”
I shake my head. “We’re here, so let’s travel on it for just a minute, then.” I fold my arms over my chest. “You’re willing to put your life on hold to help me take care of a kid that’s not even yours? A kid born to a woman who tried to knife you? Who stabbed the kid’s grandmother?”
She gives me a sad smile. “Absolutely.”
“It’s not gonna piss you off?’
“Is it ideal? No. But, if that’s the hand you’re dealt, then it’s the hand I’m dealt, too. I want you, Austin, and if you come with a baby I’m here for you every minute of every day.”
“What if I don’t wanna raise it?” I ask.
She grabs my hand. “I’m just keeping myself open for whatever you decide. It’s your decision.”
“Whatever we decide,” I correct and kiss her hand.
“Right.” She smiles.
“I love you, Jada, and I’m not about to foist this on you if it’s not what you want.”
“I want you and whatever comes with you,” she tells me.
I believe her. I kiss her and breathe out a long breath. I want this answer. And I don’t. With equal intensity.
I suddenly understand why my brother sat on that paternity test envelope for a year before he opened it. I want to know. But if it’s yes, everything is gonna change and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.
My phone rings.
It’s my lawyer.
Here we go…
64
Jada
Austin answers his phone. I hold his free hand tight, trying to lend him any strength I have.
I love this man and he looks so rattled right now. I can imagine. I mean, I get it – why he was so livid so often.
I watch his face as he listens. He squeezes my hand and his eyes close.
He winces.
And that physically hurts.
It must be a yes. And he looks distraught.
My chest hurts. I start trembling.
Okay. If this is the reality, it’s the reality. There’s a cute little bedroom next to the master that’ll be perfect for a nursery. I can write with a baby on my hip. Danielle Steel had nine kids and she’s written nearly two hundred books.
This is gonna be fine. We can do this.
Austin is ‘mm hm’ing and then he says goodbye.
He blows out a breath.
“We’re gonna be okay. We can do this,” I tell him and wrap my arms around him.
He pulls me close. “She’s not pregnant.”
I flinch and pull back. Shocked.
“Oh, she was though.”
“She was?”
“Apparently she’s had a long history of problems with her – reproductive organs and found out days before she attacked that the pregnancy wasn’t viable. It was an ectopic pregnancy and it’s gone now. The loss set off the psychosis, we’re guessing. Her mother went on a cruise without her and she was alone at home when she got bad abdominal pains. She drove herself to the hospital.”
His phone rings. “That’s Roger. Apparently I’m about to be told the rest. My lawyer said he didn’t have all the information, that Roger was gonna call me.”
“Take it. I’m right here,” I say and I get two bottles of water from the fridge and pass him one.