Was he ever going to talk to her again? Would he ever call her? She wished she had someone she could talk to about this, but she didn’t have any real friends in the city. Most of the friends she’d made were through Sloan.
She had a couple of friends back home who’d listen. But she couldn’t tell them about the BDSM stuff. They wouldn’t understand. Worse yet, they might tell her mother. Who definitely would not understand.
So, she’d kept everything to herself. And it felt like it was about to bubble over, ready to spill out in a giant mess. Maybe James was right. She needed to get herself together before it started to affect her work. She was finding it harder and harder to find any motivation to get out of bed in the morning. And she felt even more tired than she did when she’d gone to bed the night before. She couldn’t sleep. Each time she ate she felt nauseous.
“I’m a mess.”
Tears dripped down her face, and she brushed them away angrily. It was time to get herself back under control. So, Sloan didn’t want to talk to her. So, he’d cut her out of his life and therefore from the club and the people there. So, she felt lonelier than she ever had in her life. She could make new friends. She could move on, make a new life for herself
“Get a grip, Kinley. You were probably becoming too dependent on him anyway. He never promised you anything. You were dating, but it wasn’t really going anywhere. Maybe this is for the best.” Even though her heart was screaming no.
It took her two times to get the key in the ignition, her eyes were too blurry to see much. This parking lot was almost as well-lit as the one at Club Decadence. She guessed James March believed in looking after his people too. He certainly paid well, and she got excellent benefits. Too bad he was a prick.
“Kinley, you have got to find better men to hang around with. Or, better yet, get a cat. Yeah. A cat would be good. I could become that crazy cat lady who thinks her cats are her children.”
Because at the rate she was going, she wouldn’t have any children of her own.
“Shit. Shit.” She swiped at her cheeks again. She wasn’t going to be able to drive until she could see, and to do that she had to stop the damn crying.
“Enough. It’s over. Get over it. Move on. Stop being a baby.”
A sob ripped its way through her.
Yeah, the tough love thing so wasn’t working. She wanted Sloan. Wanted him desperately. Just one more hug. One more kiss.
Finally, she managed to get herself under some semblance of control, enough that she thought she could manage the drive home. If she stayed here one of the security guards might think to check up on her, and that was something she didn’t need.
She turned the key.
Clunk.
Um, no. It wasn’t supposed to make a clunk noise. She turned it again.
Clunk.
“Jesus, seriously?” She looked up at the sky. “Are you messing with me for fun? Have I done something in another life you’re punishing me for?”
She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. Her mother would have a fit if she could hear her. A faithful member of the church, she would not think it amusing to hear Kinley speak to the big guy upstairs so flippantly.
Was she being punished? She could think of no other reason for the bad stuff that kept happening to her. She thought about her options. She could call roadside assistance, but she didn’t have towing on her insurance plan, and that was going to cost her money she didn’t have.
You could call Sloan. Right, because he was really going to want to come out in the dark and cold to help her. Nope, she couldn’t do that.
She could get out and open the hood, take a look around. She laughed, but even to her ears it sounded half-hysterical. What the heck did she know about fixing a car? Absolutely nothing. So that wasn’t going to help.
What was left? She could sit here and cry. Yep, that sounded like the best option right now.
Leaning her head against the steering wheel, she started to sob. Not just over the car, which her daddy had bought her back when she’d graduated high school. It had served her faithfully all these years. Not just over Sloan and the mess she’d made of everything. She was crying because she was exhausted and lonely, and she wished there was just one person she could call to help her. Her family lived hours away. All the friends she’d made here were connected to the club and Sloan.
What had she done to end up with no one? Was this really her life? Crying in a broken-down car?
A sudden knock on the door made her scream, and she shied back with a screech. She glared up at James, who was looking at her through the window.
They stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, he reached for the door and found it locked. She could almost swear she heard him sigh. He circled his finger, a clear indication for her to roll down her window.
She could almost feel the demand pouring from him. And, still, she shook her head.
He folded his arms across his chest and just stood there.