“Keira has a Dom,” Julian insisted. “She doesn’t need another one.”
“Keira has a watchdog who nearly loses his mind when anyone even looks at her,” Renard snapped back.
“Renard, enough,” Joel said firmly.
“Fuck. Fine. Just tell me you’re going to do something.”
Joel just gave the other man a quelling look.
“You’re a switch, right?” Renard asked Julian. “You can submit under the right circumstances?”
How did he know that? Julian made an irritated noise and glanced over at Joel. The other man shook his head. So, he hadn’t told Renard. “I can tell these things. I was once involved with a switch. I’d volunteer myself up as your Dom, but I’m pretty certain I’m the last person the you’ll take orders from.”
“You got that right,” Julian snarled at him.
Renard shook his head. “Just find someone to take them on, Saxon. I can’t put up with Snarly and Smiley much longer without fucking losing it.” Something hot and dark came over Renard’s face before he stormed inside the kitchen.
“That asshole. Who the fuck does he think he is?” Julian snapped. “Like he knows what’s best for us? A Dom? Seriously?”
Joel looked at him thoughtfully. “Renard might not be good at expressing himself. In fact, generally, he’s pretty much an asshole. However, he’s a perceptive asshole, and his idea isn’t a bad one.”
“Keira has a Dom,” Julian reiterated.
“You can’t help her when you’re struggling as much as she is, Julian,” Joel said gently.
“We’re doing fine,” Julian told him.
They weren’t, though. They really weren’t. She was hanging by a thread and she was so worried about Julian it made her feel ill. But she didn’t see how adding a third person to the mess would help.
“Keira’s not, Julian.” Joel sent her a look, almost apologizing for putting her out there. He probably knew Julian would never accept help if it was just for him. But there wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for her.
Julian looked down at her. “Keira?”
He never called her kitten anymore. Never used any of those crazy, silly nicknames he used to come up with. It hurt. Badly.
“I . . . I could use some more help,” she admitted. She licked her dry lips. “I’m trying to hold it all together, but I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, and I’m scared all the time.” A tear trailed down her cheek. Julian turned to face her, this time his grasp on her shoulders was far gentler.
“Keira, I’m going to keep you safe,” he said in a rough, broken voice. “I won’t let anyone hurt you again. Ever.”
She placed her hands on his. “I know you won’t. You’ll protect me.” She didn’t want him to think she didn’t have faith in him. Even if there was always a part of her that thought she’d never feel completely safe again. “But there’s something broken inside me, Julian, and I can’t seem to fix it. And no amount of talking with Molly seems to help.”
“You haven’t said anything,” he accused.
She reached up and wiped away her tears.
“I . . .” she trailed off miserably.
“She’s worried about you as well, Julian. You’ve both been hiding how you’re really doing in order to protect one another. You’re so busy worrying about each other you can’t take the time to help yourselves. A Dom could help
you with the little, everyday decisions so that you can focus on the bigger things. It doesn’t have to be about play or sex, it can just be knowing someone is there to help, to watch over each of you, to make sure Keira eats and that you sleep and relax. Then, maybe, you’ll find a way to focus, to heal. You’re Keira’s Dom, Julian. No one is denying that or taking it away from you. But you’re so focused on her physical safety you’re missing all the other things going on with her.”
She shot Joel a look. She didn’t like him criticizing Julian. He just stared back at her calmly. “Keira, you’re so worried about Julian, you’re doing nothing to help yourself.”
Julian ran his gaze over her once more, taking her in. “He’s right.”
“Julian . . .”
He shook his head. “I’m not helping you by watching you like a hawk. If anything, I’m making things worse. But I can’t . . . I can’t let you be out of my sight. I’m so scared . . . all the time.”