“I can’t,” he blurted out.
She turned slightly, staring at him over her shoulder.
“Can’t what, Sir?”
“I can’t do this. How am I supposed to flog you or do anything that might cause you distress when you’ve been through so much?”
Images of her bruised and bleeding swamped him. Of her alone and vulnerable. Needing him.
She stood, then moved to sit on the couch. Grabbing a blanket, she pulled it around her.
“I understand,” she said quietly. She looked so defeated, and a sick feeling developed in his stomach.
“You understand what?” he said suspiciously.
“This is why I didn’t want to tell you everything. But now you know and you see me as a victim. I’m broken.”
He drew her up so she was standing and shook her lightly. “You are not broken.”
Her misery-filled eyes narrowed. “Obviously I am or you wouldn’t fucking hesitate to spank my ass for keeping secrets from you.”
“Are you saying that you want me to spank you?” he asked.
“I always knew you would see me differently if you knew it all. Why do you think I never told anyone? I don’t want to be pitied. I don’t need you to feel guilty. It feels like this giant rock tied around my neck, holding me back. I want to be free.”
He ran his hand over his face. He understood what she was saying. Here she was, trusting him to look after her, to give her what she needed and once again he was letting his guilt get in the way of what they both needed.
She needed him to be strong. She needed her Dom.
Damned if he was going to let any other man fulfill that role for her.
He sat back on the sofa. He needed to hold her for this. “Lose the blanket and get over my lap,” he demanded.
Her gaze widened and her breathing came quicker as she stared at him.
“Hesitating will only add on to your punishment,” he growled.
She scrambled into place. Placing the lube on the sofa beside him, he found he couldn’t stop himself from running his hand over her back and bottom.
“Tell me why you earned this spanking, sugar.”
“Not telling you about the flowers and phone calls, and for not telling you everything about the attack.”
He paused. No, he couldn’t have her thinking that. “For keeping those phone calls a secret, yes. For not telling me about the flowers, yes. Did you think I’d get jealous?”
She snorted. “Of course I thought you would get jealous. Look at how you reacted to Saxon giving me a membership to the club.”
“Saxon wants you,” he growled. “That’s completely different. I know Ricky is a pest. I know you would never go back to him, but I would have warned him away from you.”
Oh yes, that would have given him a great deal of satisfaction. He moved his hand lower and she parted her legs, allowing him access to her plump, wet pussy.
“It’s not because you didn’t tell me everything about your attack; that’s partly my fault, and it’s partly about trust. I didn’t react as I should have when you first told me. Instead of asking you what you needed, I treated you as if you were fragile. You’ve been trying to protect us all, baby—it’s about time to let go and let me protect you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know how you think. You’ve kept what happened to you a secret all these years from everyone to protect them. There’s an element of not wanting people to pity you. But you know I wouldn’t do that; neither would Lila or your dads. So why not tell us? Because you wanted to protect us from any worry, or in my case, from guilt.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”