Memories of summers following the larger-than-life old biker around every summer, pretending to be his secretary as he oversaw his construction crews building houses, and a dozen other things flashed behind my tightly closed lids. He never once treated me like a little kid. Chaz would smile down at me with a patience he rarely showed any of his men or even my father, explaining every aspect of his successful business and how one day I was going to take over for him.
Now he was gone.
Dad didn’t tell me what happened, but I somehow knew it wasn’t because he was closer to seventy now than sixty. Old age wasn’t something my grandpa needed to worry about. He had a young soul, whereas I’d always been told I had an old soul. Mom, being her usual bitchy self, once told me, “Well, one of you has to be the adult, and it sure as hell ain’t gonna be Chaz.”
Now, as I drove across the invisible Trinity County line, I was still worrying what exactly had happened to Grandpa. Not that I expected anyone to tell me the truth about what led up to the events that took place the night before, but I’d be damned if they wouldn’t at least tell me how he died.
When I announced I was coming to Creswell Springs as soon as I could get packed, Dad told me where to go. Not to his house, it was too dangerous. The same went for Grandpa’s and even the Barker Construction Company’s office. As I stopped outside the gate protecting the Angel’s Halo MC’s clubhouse compound, a place I had a million memories of, I wondered what the hell was going on that had everyone even remotely related to the MC staying in the clubhouse.
A huge guy I didn’t recognize came up to my old Ford Escort and tapped on my window. With his shaggy dirty-blond hair falling into his eyes, at least three days’ worth of scruff darkening his jaw, and shoulders that made his shirt look like it might rip at any moment underneath his leather cut, this guy looked menacing. But I was used to guys just like him. I dealt with them at both my jobs every single night.
“What ya want?” he demanded in a smoker’s voice. I was pretty sure this guy smoked at least two packs a day.
“I’m Jos Barker. My dad is expecting me.”
“You Butch’s girl?” I nodded, and his hard face eased into something a little friendlier but no less intimidating. “Sorry about your grandpa.”
“Thanks,” I choked out.
Stepping back, he called out something, and it was only then that I noticed the men up on the fence. And the guns in their hands. I gulped at the sight of the heavy artillery, and the mother in me had my eyes going to the rearview mirror to check on the sleeping baby in his forward-facing car seat.
As much as the thought had churned my stomach when I was frantically packing enough clothes for the two of us and getting the diaper bag in order, now I was thinking maybe I should have just left my son with Mom, after all. No, I quickly reassured myself. Even with the guns—and Lord knew why they were needed—Reid belonged with me. The one and only time I let Mom babysit, I picked him up after work to find his poor little bottom chafed from having been left in a wet diaper for too damn long and screaming at the top of his lungs because who knew when she last gave him a bottle. She sucked as a mother, but she was a fucking monster as a grandmother.
After that, I took on a second job just so I could afford childcare while I worked to support the two of us.
The guys u
p on the fence opened the gate for me, and I was waved through. Slowly, because there were already people scattered around the parking lot, I maneuvered my way into a free spot. After turning off the car, I just sat there for a moment, trying to get a hold on the emotions too close to the surface.
The last time I was here was just over two years ago. I’d come up to see Dad and Grandpa on a whim. I spent just over two weeks here, but I’d left with more than I’d come with. The baby in the back seat could attest to that.
Nervousness mixed with my grief. The entire drive up from Oakland, I hadn’t allowed myself to spare a thought for Reid’s father. Now that I was here, he was all I could think about. Anyone who saw my son would know instantly who had given him to me—hell, he was a miniature replica of his dad. But would his father want to have anything to do with him? Would he care that I hadn’t told him we’d created something amazing during my short trip north? Would he accept Reid, want to be a part of his life?
Shit. I wasn’t ever going to know any of those answers until I came face-to-face with him.
Opening the door, I got out and then pulled Reid out of the back seat. He was wide awake now, and his curious blue eyes glanced around at all the big men in jeans and leather cuts. His hair was dark like his father’s, but those curls were all from me. He needed a haircut, but I just couldn’t bring myself to cut even one strand.
“Hey there, Jos,” someone called from behind me, and if I hadn’t been holding on to Reid so tightly, I might have dropped him.
Turning, I blew out a relieved breath when I saw it was Matt and not his brother. I gave him a grim smile as I rearranged Reid on my hip. My grandpa’s death must have been taking its toll on him, because he looked pale, with dark shadows under his eyes. There was a haunted look in his eyes that hurt to look at, and not just because his eyes were identical to Reid’s. “Hey.”
His eyes landed on my son and instantly widened. “Holy shit, it’s like looking in a mirror.” He groaned and looked over his shoulder, as if looking to make sure no one was listening before stepping closer and lowering his voice. “He’s not mine, is he?”
Surprised at his question, I laughed out loud despite all the emotions roiling inside me. “Really? You have to ask me that?”
His face was completely serious as he nodded, checking over his shoulder again before giving me his full attention. “I wasn’t in a good place the last time you visited. I vaguely remember you being at my house one night, but I seriously couldn’t tell you why.”
“Relax,” I told him with a strained laugh as I put a hand on his arm. “Reid isn’t yours.”
“Reid?” he wheezed out, his eyes going back to my beautiful son.
I grimaced and shrugged. It wasn’t like everyone wouldn’t know soon anyway. “Tanner and I hooked up a few times during that last visit.”
Matt stumbled back a few steps, his eyes filling with an emotion that startled me as he locked eyes with Reid. In all the years I’d known Matt, I’d never once seen him—or any of the MC boys—cry before. But right then, there was no mistaking the tears in the biker’s eyes. “Tanner’s son?” he croaked out. “You and he…? But you’re so freaking young, and Tanner was always into cougars.”
“Yes,” I muttered a little sheepishly. “I might have seduced him. Whatever. I had the biggest crush on him. Don’t judge me.”
“Tanner’s son,” he repeated, as if lost in thought.