Actions spoke louder than words, and I couldn’t let my walls down just because he was good at saying “I love you.”
Ignoring his second question, I focused on the first. “Hank is the guy you go to when you need something taken care of. Or, more to the point, someone taken care of.”
“He’s a hit man,” Colt assumed.
“Kind of.”
“How are you ‘kind of’ a hit man?” he asked with lifted brows.
“He doesn’t always kill them.” I shivered at the memory I’d kept buried for over a decade. “Sometimes he just makes them wish they were dead. Which is worse.”
“And you wanted to go with him?” Colt slammed on the brakes right outside the compound gates, making me jerk forward. His hand came out to block me from hitting the dashboard because neither one of us had on our seat belts. “You were going to leave me to go with a fucking psycho like that?”
I twisted around to face him. “You’re going to judge him after everything you’ve done?”
His eyes darkened. “What have I done?”
“Please. I’m not an idiot. That wasn’t deer blood I smelled back in that cabin, Colt.”
“Are we still on that whole thing?” He groaned in frustration. “I never would have hurt you, Kelli.”
“Well, you did. Maybe not physically, but you hurt me plenty right here.” I touched my fisted hand to my chest, knowing I was going to regret confessing this to him, but too upset to stop the words from flowing out. “You decimated my heart. Playing with my emotions is a hell of a lot worse than anything you could ever do to me physically. So yeah, I would have gone with Hank in a heartbeat. I still might.”
“The fuck you will!” he roared, his face turning savage. “You’re going to stay right here with me and the rest of our family.”
“Family,” I snorted…then paused. Something Jet said earlier came back to me. “Why did Jet call me his sister-in-law?”
His shoulders lifted in a casual shrug. “Because you are. Or you will be. And soon.”
“If that’s your way of proposing, it sucks balls. The answer is a big ‘Fuck no,’ by the way.” I opened the door now that we were stopped. The gate to the compound was already open, and I walked through, leaving him to park the car or abandon it to block the only entrance to the clubhouse.
I didn’t care which. All I wanted was to be away from him, away from everyone, so I could get a small hold on my emotions before I lost my mind.
It was all too much. Mom dying. Having to worry about looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life now that I’d destroyed everything Calvin held dear. Seeing Hank again. Now, this bullshit with Colt and his throwing it out there that I was going to be Jet’s sister-in-law someday.
How was I supposed to think or react—fucking deal—when my head was nothing but chaos?
In the clubhouse, I weaved through the normal crowd of people spread throughout the building. If someone said my name, I ignored them and kept walking. I bypassed Colt’s room and headed for the one Quinn shared with Raider. I hoped she wasn’t there, that neither one of them was using the room. I wanted to hide from Colt and the rest of the world, and Quinn’s room was the only place I could think of to do that in this damn place.
I knocked twice, listening to make sure that my friend and her boyfriend weren’t doing anything I didn’t want to walk in on. There was no reply and, thankfully, no porno noises coming from the other side of the door. Turning the knob, I was grateful it was unlocked, and I pushed my way inside.
The room was tidy and clean. I flipped the lock and pressed my back to the door. Slowly, I slid down until I was sitting on the floor, and I pulled my knees up to my chest. The first tear fell just as I pressed my forehead to my legs and swallowed back a sob.
I hated that I was losing it for the second time in as many days. Hated that my mother’s death had crippled me emotionally and now I had no control over my own tear ducts.
And I fucking hated that, despite how shitty Colt’s proposal was, I had wanted to say yes.
Chapter 22
Willa
The sound of someone crying pulled me from a sleep that was anything but restful. Beside me, Lexa shifted fitfully, moaning in discomfort as she twisted around to wrap her arms around my stomach.
“Is someone sad?” she asked sleepily.
I kissed the top of my precious niece’s head, thankful she was still here for me to snuggle with. Between Raven and Spider, Lexa and I were officially locked in this room with orders to rest as much as possible. If there weren’t three little lives depending on me to make sure the four of us got to the finish line safe and healthy, I would have torn my husband’s he
ad off for tossing out orders like he was lately.