But the laughter died when he pushed inside and set me on my feet. The look on his face was stormy, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to distract him with kisses and soft touches this time. “Tell me where you were going to attend school, Monroe.”
“Why does it matter now?” I asked, trying to evade the question. “I’m going to Trinity instead, so I don’t see why it matters.”
“I need to know,” he countered, backing me against the wall. Bending his head until our gazes were even, he cupped the side of my face. “Tell me, precious.”
“Princeton,” I whispered, and his face lost color.
“Princeton?” he repeated. “New Jersey?”
Biting the inside of my bottom lip, I nodded.
“You were going to put the entire country between us?”
“That was the plan, yes.” When he only glared down at me, I started to get angry. “You didn’t want to be with me.”
“No,” he denied vehemently. “I’ve always wanted to be with you. It was safer for you if I didn’t—”
“How was it safer?” I demanded. “Don’t you think it was more dangerous for me to be without you all this time than to be with you? Two guys tried to kidnap me while I was walking home from school. One of whom you killed to save me. And let’s not forget that Russian asshole who gave me a concussion. Yet another loser you had to kill to save me. Maybe if you were with me then, I wouldn’t have had to deal with either of them.”
“You were a child then,” he reminded me. “I couldn’t have been with you even if I wanted to.”
“So you didn’t really want to be with me?”
“You were fifteen fucking years old, goddamn it! Of course I couldn’t be with you.”
“There is a difference in ‘couldn’t’ and ‘wanted,’ G.” I poked him sharply in the chest. “So, which was it. You couldn’t, or you didn’t want to?”
“This isn’t about whether or not I wanted to be with you then. And before you do that thing you’re so damn good at and turn this around on me, yes, I wanted to be with you even then. But I couldn’t. Because you were fifteen!” He inhaled deeply, trying to calm his anger. “This is about you wanting to put three thousand miles between us because you were pissed at me.”
“And I was supposed to want to stay near you when I was hurting? Do you think it was just a tantrum I was throwing to get my way?” I pushed at his shoulder and was surprised when he actually backed up a step. Taking advantage of the distance, I moved away from the wall and stomped into the bedroom.
Arguing was the last thing I wanted to do on our last night together in Rome, but obviously, that was what we were going to be doing.
“You broke my heart that night in New York. I thought…” I swallowed around the sudden lump in my throat. “I thought I wasn’t ever going to see you again. So, yes, I decided on the one college I’d been accepted to that would put the most distance between us.”
“You were going to give up seeing your family to be away from me?” His voice was full of disbelief.
A small scream escaped me in my frustration, and I turned to face him. “Listen to me, Gian. I love my family very much. But I have no issue giving them up. Whether for a short time while I’m away at college or forever, if it comes down to it. Haven’t I already told you that? Didn’t you believe me when I told you I can and will walk away from them if they were to make me choose?”
“Saying something is different from actually following through with it.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t want you to have to give up your family for me. You deserve everything you want. I don’t want to fuck up your life.”
“You think being with you would fuck up my life?” I balled my hands into fists at my sides, wanting to hit him for being so stupid, yet unable to handle the idea of causing him physical pain.
“Yes!” he exploded.
My eyes began to sting as they filled with tears. “If that’s what you really think, then why are you here with me now?”
“Because I’m not strong enough to walk away from you,” he rasped out, a muscle ticking in his jaw. “Even though I know I’m not good for you, not good enough to be with someone as precious as you, I’m a selfish bastard, and I can’t let you go.”
“Well, thank fuck for that, huh?” Angrily, I dashed away the tears as they spilled over my lashes. A sob started to bubble up, and I turned away, not wanting him to see how close to breaking I was.
I heard him groan as if he were in physical pain only a second before he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. “Don’t cry,” he pleaded, kissing the back of my head. “I’m sorry for yelling.”
“I’m not crying because you yelled,” I snapped, pushing his hands away and taking several much-needed steps away from him. His touch did nothing but distract me, and I needed a clear head to fight with him.
Scrubbing at the tears that continued to fall, I jerked around to face him. “I’m upset because you still don’t want to be with me. Yes,” I said, lifting a hand to stop him from arguing when he opened his mouth. “You’re here, but you obviously don’t want to be.”
“I only want you to be happy, Monroe. If you want Princeton, you deserve Princeton. If you want to be with your family, I want to give them to you. If you want me, I know I’ll be the luckiest motherfucker who ever lived. But I can’t give you any of those except myself. Your family will stand in our way, and I’m a wanted man on the East Coast just for having the last name Fontana.”