I had no damn willpower where Ben was concerned, apparently. I knew if Dad found out about this, he would do something reckless, and I was aware I was putting Ben’s life in jeopardy after the not-so-veiled threat Dad had made the night before.
Yet I couldn’t stay away when Ben had asked me to meet him tonight.
Fuck.
I’d only know the guy a few days, and I was already in so far over my head, I didn’t know which way was up. I was becoming a traitor to my family.
To my mom.
Maybe I needed to stay in New York a few extra days after all. Just until I was over whatever spell I’d allowed myself to fall under where Ben was concerned. It would be better for both of us, but especially for him.
Definitely safer.
“When I said meet me later, this was not what I had in mind,” Ben’s deep voice murmured from right behind me.
I jumped with surprise. I’d been so lost in my head, thinking about keeping him safe, I hadn’t heard or even sensed him.
“Easy,” he breathed at my ear, his mouth touching my neck, making me gasp and arch into the graze of his lips against my flesh. His stubble felt so damn good against my skin. Goose bumps popped up where he caressed, making me shiver deliciously, and I was grateful there were no cameras in this part of the library. “God, you taste so good, beautiful.”
I lowered my lashes, savoring this stolen moment, and tears burned my eyes because I knew it was the last time I could allow this to happen. This meetup was to tell him I couldn’t see him anymore—and really mean it this time.
I couldn’t—wouldn’t—let anything happen to Mom. And this relationship, or whatever the hell it was, would put her freedom in jeopardy. Maybe he wouldn’t betray me. But Royce Campbell would be itching to get whatever dirt he could on any member of my family, and I had plenty on my mom. The thought of betraying her, even by accident, made me feel physically ill.
“B-Ben,” I started, but he traced a line with his lips to my jaw, and I couldn’t stop myself from turning my head and meeting his kiss.
The Earth’s rotation seemed to slow down, and I kissed him back hungrily, my hands thrusting into his hair to hold on as we devoured each other with our mouths. I was stupid—this was stupid—but I just needed one more taste.
“Let’s get out of here,” Ben rasped when he lifted his head sometime later. “We’ll go to my place.”
I was on my feet before reality hit, and I stopped cold. If my dad found out about any of this, it really was going to be all over. If Mom found out, she would be so disappointed in me. And if I was honest, that bothered me more than what Dad would possibly do. Squaring my shoulders, I locked my knees and refused to give in, no matter how good his kisses were.
“I’m leaving in the morning,” I told him in a voice that wasn’t nearly as strong as I needed it to be, but the words alone were enough to have him jerking around to face me.
“Leaving for where?” he demanded, his jaw tense. “When will you be back?”
“I’m going to New York first thing in the morning. I…don’t know when I’ll be back.” The longer I stayed, the better at this point, I figured. As long as I was home by the time Mom started whatever treatment her doctor wanted her to have.
“What’s in New York?” he growled, jealousy coming off him in waves just as it had earlier that day when Higgins had been screwing around at the shop. The look in his eyes alone had made me worried for Higgins’s life at the time, and I’d pushed him out the door to avoid bloodshed.
“I’m accompanying two of my cousins. They spend every summer with their mom’s family. She can’t go and asked me.” Relief relaxed his face, and he reached for me again. “But I’m going to stay for a while to clear my head.” He opened his mouth, probably to argue with me, but I covered it with my hand. “You haven’t been listening to me, Ben. Not once. We. Can. Not. Be. Together.”
Covering my hand, he pressed my palm closer to his lips, kissing it tenderly before pulling it away. “Give me one good reason why we can’t, Lexa.”
“Because you’re the sheriff, and my family are not exactly law-abiding citizens. The DA is out for blood where they are concerned, and you work directly with him.” I closed my eyes, remembering all the hurtful things Dad had said about Ben using me.
At the time, I’d started to believe it, but I just couldn’t completely convince myself. Ben had no clue who I was that first night. We had too strong of a connection for whatever was going on with us to be about him using me.
But I couldn’t be selfish any longer.
Mom had my complete loyalty, and Dad wasn’t kidding about taking care of Ben himself. He would, and it would break what was left of my soul.
“Don’t worry about Royce Campbell,” Ben grumbled now. “I’m going to take care of him and prove to your father I care about you.”
“Ben.” I blew out a frustrated sigh. “Don’t go stirring up more trouble for yourself. Campbell is a slimy bastard. Whatever you have planned is going to blow up in your face. Please,” I begged, not so proud that I couldn’t plead for his safety. “I’m not worth any of this. Just forget about me. I don’t want to see you lose your job or something worse.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist, locking me against him as his intense gaze met mine. “You are worth more than anything. Don’t you ever say that to me again. You know what? Don’t ever say that again, period. I’m a grown man, baby. I can take care of myself, so stop worrying about me with Campbell and your dad. I’ll take them all on if that means I can be with you.”
I really liked the sound of that, but even if he could deal with Campbell, he couldn’t deal with Bash Reid. No one but my mom could, and I wasn’t going to drag her into the middle of this shit when she was sick.