When I said that nothing could break me, I was wrong.
Dead wrong.
But then again, I never really imagined I’d find him like this.
He talks to her softly, his face gentle and kind, distracting her from the cruel comments and looks that come from just about everyone who passes by. But as long as Damen’s there, that’s as bad as it’ll get. No one will dare venture anywhere near. His presence alone is what keeps them away. Keeps her safe.
As long as he’s with her, she’s spared from their wrath.
But it’s not like understanding why he does it makes it any easier to watch. And every second I stand there—a part of me withers.
A part of me dies.
Miles grabs hold of my elbow, determined to steer me away, but it’s no use. I’m stronger than him and I refuse to be swayed.
Knowing it’s just a matter of moments until he’ll sense my presence, my energy. And even though my insides are churning, my heart breaking, my hands shaking, even though I’m terrified of what I might find in his gaze once he does locate me—I still need it to happen.
Need to know what it means.
Need to know if she now occupies the space I once filled in his life.
When he sees me, when his eyes go wide and his lips part in a way that completely transforms him—my breath stalls in my throat.
The moment feeling like forever, like it’s somehow suspended in time. Though it’s not long before she sees it too, following his gaze all the way to me before quickly looking away. Her former surplus of confidence now diminished for good.
“Ever—please,” Miles urges, his voice at my ear. “Remember what I told you. Nothing is what it seems. Everything’s been turned upside down. The former D list is now the A list—and the old A list, well, they’ve pretty much disbanded, most of them are in hiding, some have even left. Nothing is the same anymore.”
But even though I hear it, the words flow right through me.
I don’t care about any of that. I only care about Damen and the way his gaze circles mine.
And though I wait for it—a tulip, either real or imagined, or some other kind of sign—nothing comes.
Nothing but the infinite silence that stretches between us.
So I lean into Miles and allow him to lead me away.
Lead me right past the sight of them.
Right through my pain.
twenty
He calls out my name, his voice coming from behind me. Right behind me. Causing me to turn, instinctively, automatically, moving toward him without thinking.
“You’re back.” He looks at me, the words a statement, his gaze a question.
I nod. And then I shrug. And then I struggle to cease all outright modes of fidgeting as I try to decide where to take it from here.
But clearly he’s far more up to the task than I am, because barely a moment passes before he says, “It’s good to see you.”
“Is it?” I narrow my gaze, instantly regretting the tone, the words. Seeing the way he flinches, the way his eyes pull down at the sides, but now that I’ve said it, there’s no taking it back.
“I’ve missed you.” He gestures toward me, his hand lifting, reaching, but only briefly before it falls back to his side. “I’ve missed the sight of you, the scent of you. I’ve missed every single thing about you.” He allows his gaze to move over me slowly, circling, like the warmest of hugs. “And even if you decide to never talk to me again, it won’t change a thing. Nothing can ever change how I feel about you.”
My insides turn to jelly—a quivering mass of indecision. Torn between bolting—getting myself as far from him as I possibly can—and running straight into the shelter of his warm and wonderful arms. Wondering how I can possibly feel so totally empowered to deal with Haven and all of her crap, to do whatever it takes to get a handle on her—but this, this thing with Damen, seeing him with her, and now standing before me like he is—well, it instantly unearths every last trace of my old insecurities and self-doubt.
Leaving me to wonder why it’s always so much easier to train the body than the heart.