"Don't blame me, Tivo's got a mind of its own." She shrugs. "You have Tivo?" I turn, desperate for any information I can get since she's always so stingy with the afterlife details.
But she just laughs. "I swear, you are so gullible-the things you believe!" She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, reaching into a cardboard box and retrieving a string of fairy lights. "Wanna trade?" she offers, unraveling the cord. "I mean, it's ridiculous the way you insist on climbing up and down that ladder when I can just levitate and get the job done."
I shake my head and frown. Even though it might be easier, I still like to pretend my life is somewhat normal.
"So what are you going as?"
"Forget it," I say; attaching the web to the corner, before climbing down the ladder to get a good look. "If you can have secrets, then I can too."
"No fair." She crosses her arms and pouts in the way that always worked on Dad, but never on Mom.
"Relax, you'll see it at the party;" I tell her, picking up a glow-in-the-dark skeleton and untangling the limbs.
"You mean, I'm invited?" she asks, her voice squeaky, eyes wide with excitement.
"Like I could stop you?" I laugh, propping Mr. Skeleton near the entryway so he can greet all our guests.
"Is your boyfriend coming too?"
I roll my eyes and sigh. "You know I don't have a boyfriend," I say, bored with this game before it's even begun.
"Please. I'm not an idiot." She scowls. "It's not like I've forgotten the great sweatshirt debate.
Besides, I can't wait to meet him, or I guess I should say; see him, since it's not like you'd ever introduce me. Which is really pretty rude if you think about it. I mean just because he can't see me doesn't mean-'-"
"Jeez, he's not invited, okay?" I shout, not realizing I've stumbled into her trap until it's too late.
"Ha!" She looks at me, eyes wide, brows raised, lips curving with delight. "I knew it!" She laughs, tossing the fairy lights and jumping in glee, spinning and thrusting and pointing at me.
"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" she sings, punching her fists in the air. "Ha! I knew it!" She twirls.
I close my eyes and sigh, chiding myself for falling into her poorly concealed trap. "You don't know anything." I glare at her and shake my head. "He was never my boyfriend, okay? He-he was just some new kid, who at first I thought was kind of cute, but then, when I realized what a total player he is, well, let's just say that I'm over it. In fact, I don't even think he's cute anymore.
Seriously, it lasted like ten seconds, but only because I didn't know any better. And it's not like I'm the only one who fell for his game, because Miles and Haven were practically fighting over him. So why don't you just stop with all the air punching and hip thrusts, and get back to work, okay?"
And the moment I stop, I know I sounded way too defensive to ever be believed. But now that it's out there I can't take it back, so I just try to ignore her as she hovers around the room singing, "Yup! I so so knew it!"
By Halloween night the house looks amazing. Riley and I taped webs in all of the windows and corners, and stuck huge black widow spiders in their middles. We hung-black rubber bats from the ceiling, scattered bloodied, severed (fake) body parts all around, and set up a crystal ball next to a plug-in raven whose eyes light up and roll around when he says, "You'll be sorry! Squawk!
You'll be sorry!" We dressed zombies in 'blood" covered rags and placed them where you'd least expect to find them. We put steaming cauldrons of witches' brew (really just dry ice and water) in the entry, and scattered skeletons, mummies, black cats and rats (well, fake ones, but still creepy), gargoyles, coffins, black candles, and skulls pretty much everywhere. We even decorated the backyard with jack-o'-lanterns, floating pool globes, and blinking fairy lights. And oh yeah, we placed a life-sized grim reaper out on the front lawn.
"How do I look?" Riley asks, gazing down at her purple shellcovered chest and red hair as she swishes her sparkly, metallic, green fish tail around.
"Like your favorite Disney character," I say, powdering my face until it's very pale, trying to think of a way to get rid of her so I can change into my costume and maybe surprise her for a change.
"I'll take that as a compliment." She smiles.
"As you should." I brush my hair back and pin it close to my head, preparing for the big, blond, towering wig I'll wear.
"So who are you going as?" She gazes at me. "I mean, would you just tell me already, because th
e suspense is really killing me!" She clutches her stomach in a fit of laughter, rocking back and forth, and nearly falling off the bed. She loves making death puns. Thinks they're hysterical. But mostly they just make me cringe.
Ignoring the joke, I turn to her and say, "Do me a favor? Sneak down the hall and check out Sabine's costume, and let me know if she tries to wear that big rubber nose with the hairy wart on the end. I told her it's a really great witch's costume, but she needs to ditch the nose. Guys don't usually go for that sort of thing."
"She's got a guy?" Riley asks, clearly surprised.
"Not if she wears the nose," I say, watching as she slips off the bed and heads across the room, mermaid tail dragging behind her. "But don't make any noise, or do anything to scare her, okay?" I add, cringing as she slinks through my closed bedroom door, not even bothering to open it. I mean, just because I've witnessed that like a gazillion times doesn't mean I've gotten used to it.