“What if this is a mistake?”
Merica sighs. “The mistakes you make when you’re young are what help you grow as an adult, and how you deal with those mistakes as you get older, is what molds you into a woman. It’s all a fucking ploy.”
Everyone silences.
I search her features. “That’s really deep.” I hand her the joint and she takes it, sucking on it softly. Merica seems demure and gentle. “You obviously dealt with it fine. I might need some tips.”
Merica chuckles, coughing softly while banging on her chest and passing it off to Eden. Her honey eyes come to mine. “I merely learned how to hide mine, so I didn’t have to cope with them.”
“You guys are killing my buzz,” Maya murmurs, bringing her eyes to me. “You and Killian. What’s going on there?”
I didn’t want to talk to her about me and Killian. In fact, I wanted to keep her the hell away from him and I.
“Nothing really to tell,” I answer truthfully. “We’re just us.”
“You’re just ‘us’?” she throws back, eyebrows raised. “I get you’re fairly new to Midnight Mayhem and The Brothers of Kiznitch, but Killian doesn’t do ‘us,’ so I’d remove that from the Saskia Dragavei dictionary.”
I let her rage pass me as she leans back in her chair and goes back to whatever it is that’s going on in that head of hers. I don’t have to justify Killian and I to anyone. I can’t even explain it to myself, let alone to other people.
I look straight at Kenan, who stops chewing, his eyes on mine. He nods. You okay?
I shrug. Whatever. I’ve never been the type of girl to have a lot of friends. I was never popular at school. I struggled to have girlfriends at a young age, and by the time girls wanted to be my friend, I had already figured out that most of them were only my friend so that they could learn my weakness. I decided to stick to myself.
I went through high school this way. I had one other person who I could maybe classify as a friend, and that was because I saved her from the Regina Georges when they shoved her head in one of the toilets in the girl’s bathroom.
“Really?” I scolded Alicia Rogers, aka the lead bitch who ran the school. I scrubbed my hands while watching Alicia and her loyal pack of hounds as they laughed, holding Alexa’s head over the white porcelain bowl. “You couldn’t think of something more original? You’re all such a fucking cliché.” I wiped my hands with a paper towel before tossing it into the trash. I reached into the stall, grabbing the back of Alexa’s backpack and shoving her to her feet.
I looked at all of them until I finally rested on Alicia. She didn’t say anything. Didn’t so much as mouth off. I think mostly, she was shocked. The quiet girl has a voice?
“Saskia, hey, didn’t know you were there…” Alicia murmured nervously. She was still wearing her cheer uniform from an early morning practice, and of course, she was obviously dating the star quarterback of our school, and of course he was cheating on her behind her back with her bff, also known as Grace Marks, the beach blonde standing beside her.
“Sure,” I answer, pulling Alexa behind me. “Leave her alone.” I dragged Alexa out of the bathroom behind me.
I don’t know if the reason why they stopped picking on her was because they were either scared of me or because they didn’t know what to think of me. Silence is a weapon when everyone around you has so much to say. When I say I was a loner, it was by choice. People always gravitated toward me, wanting to be my friend, or just downright wanted to know the weird pretty girl with no emotions. Their words, never mine. Anyway, since being here, I’ve found another friend.
Well, three actually.
Perse, Val, and Kenan. That is more than enough friendships to have in a lifetime.
“Where’s Val?” I ask as soon as I realize she’s not here. “She’s supposed to be staying at mine.”
Maya doesn’t answer.
Kenan gestures inside. “She went back to your place.”
I grab my phone and flick through the new text from Val.
V: I’m sorry. I had to tap out. I think I need to put some distance between her and I before I can do this.
My heart sinks for her. I hate that Maya is so obviously toying with her feelings.
Me: It’s okay. That works for me anyway. I’ll be home soon.
She sends another one through just as I’m about to put my phone down. No, you’re not. I saw you all snuggly on Trickster’s lap. Girl, you are so gone. Be careful.
My heart races in my chest as I read over those words. Before I can stop myself, I realize I’m smiling like a nerd.