Everyone else slowly ceases to exist, disappearing into white noise. I can hear “Love is Madness” by Thirty Seconds to Mars playing in the background. King’s eyes are still on mine, the cigarette burning between his lips. Before he can inhale again, I remove it from his lips and bring it to my own. Inhaling softly, I roll my body in his lap to the music. His hands come to my hips as I blow the smoke out from between my lips. His fingers trace up my side until they’re buried in my hair, before he’s yanking out my hair tie. I swing my hair around as I flick the smoke behind me and bring both hands to the back of his neck. When the chorus drops, I brush my chest against his. My face is so close that I can feel his lips against mine and the words stop. Everything slows and the music fades into the background, my breathing thickening. Just as I’m about to pull away, he locks his arms around my back and pulls me in harder. I can feel him between my legs. He raises his hips up and grinds against me. His lips are hovering dangerously close to mine, and just as he opens them, he ducks to the side and bites down on my earlobe. “If you want me to fuck you like a groupie, keep doing that, but I don’t pay for my pussy.”
I don’t blink, unfazed with his cruelty. Leaning backward, I bring my hands to his cheeks. He thinks I’m a whore. As in, he thinks I wasn’t a stripper—I was a whore. “You probably couldn’t afford me anyway.” I swing my legs off his lap, shoving him away. Everything comes back into real time as the cackles of laughter erupt from around us. I forgot all about the rest of The Brothers who were here, and Killian, the little shit.
Before anyone can say anything, or worse, Killian gets inside my head again, I run out the door until the hot congestion of the tent is replaced with the cold night air. How did I get here? I had a family who loved me. My future was bright. That’s changed now.
I run to our RV and swing the door open, angry with myself for getting into this situation—even though it’s not exactly like I planned it. Tearing all of my clothes off, I slip in and out of the shower and shimmy into a long shirt before any of them get back. Opening the back curtains, I sink into my pillow and gaze out at the stars. It’s always been therapeutic for me to watch space. You don’t know what’s up there just as much as you don’t know what’s in the ocean. We think that what we see is all we know, but that’s not true at all. My eyes close slowly as I drift into sleep.
I wake before the sun comes up and throw some sweats on. I need to exercise before The Brothers wake up. If that’s what Killian is capable of, then I don’t want to know what the rest of the boys can do—particularly King. Pushing my wireless earbuds into my ears, I push play on “So Far Away” from Martin Garrix and manage to sneak out of the RV undetected. I don’t know where I’m going per se, but I know a little about New York and the surrounding suburbs. My legs carry me toward a track that has a dirt path, which leads God knows where. I sweat it out and run until I can’t feel my limbs and my legs burn. By the time I come back to camp, I’m drenched in sweat, and Delila is marching straight toward me.
I tear out my earbuds.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Dove?”
“What?” I squeeze the pods into the palms of my hands. “I went for a run.”
Delila glares at me. “Well, we will see how much that was a good idea later tonight when it comes to your act. You only train excessively when you have a rest day the day after, which is why most of the crew work out before we come and before we leave. The rest you gain from the show.” She clicks her fingers together, and that same young man comes rushing to her side. “Get the stands ready, please. Aeron and Beat are joining us tonight, and I want to make sure they’re taken care of.” She looks back at me. “Your lack of caring is beginning to get a little unnerving, Dove. Are you a liability?”
“No,” I answer, even though I want to say that I don’t care what she thinks.
Once Delila has disappeared as quickly as she appeared, I find myself walking aimlessly back to the RV. How the hell was I supposed to know that we weren’t allowed to train on the day of a show?