“It is a thing,” I say, shaking my head slowly, “but I don’t use it. It’s too rough on the skin. Jute has the perfect texture, not too rough and not too soft. Nylon rope is smooth, and it’s easy for the knots to slip. Jute is better for tight knots. It’s made the same way they make linen from flax, and it’s spun just like cotton can be. It’s a very popular textile for making clothing and other items in South Asia and Japan and the traditional material used for Shibari.”
“Shibari?”
“A specific form of Japanese rope bondage. It’s very intricate with certain knots having different meanings. I mostly like it because it’s pretty.”
“Pretty?” Kas lets out a short laugh.
“It is,” I say. “If my phone was working, I’d show you some pictures on the Web. I don’t keep pics on my phone of people in rope.”
“Why not?”
“Because although there is nothing wrong with it, it’s private. If my phone were stolen, people’s privacy would be at stake. As a Dom and a rigger, I’m very protective of people I tie. That includes being protective of their images.”
“So…you are a Dom? I thought Doms were all about beating people.”
“Some like to punish their subs with pain, yes, but that’s not the definition of a Dominant. I like control and power, but that can be achieved in other ways. My primary function as a Dom is to make my sub feel safe and protected. Not all Doms agree, but that’s how I roll. Some people who call themselves Dominants don’t understand that there’s a difference between being a Dom and being an asshole.”
“I thought that was a trait of men in general.” Kas rolls her eyes.
“Well, like any group of people, there are good and bad.”
Kas stares down at the rope, running her fingers over it again. I wonder what she’s thinking. I wonder if she really thinks all guys are asshole or if it was just a flippant remark. If she does think that, who hurt her?
My fingers clench as I think about this speculative man who hurt her so badly, she thought all men were jerks. Instinctively, I think about finding him and teaching him a little about punishment.
Pain may not be my thing, but I’m very protective of people I care about.
“So, you like that…Japanese rope stuff? What was the word?”
“Shibari. To simplify it a lot, Shibari and rope bondage in general is a kink for people who like the feeling of being constricted. Most of the people I play with feel a sense of security when they’re tied up.”
“That doesn’t seem like it would make a person feel secure,” Kas says. “It seems more terrifying.”
“For some people, it would be,” I tell her. “I wouldn’t tie those people up. For others, it can be a wonderful experience. I have a friend with a lot of…problems. He suffers from pretty severe PTSD. I started working with him a couple of years ago, and he says being tied up helps him relax and let go of the anxiety he’s feeling.”
“Wait…so you’re gay? I didn’t know you were gay.”
“I’m not gay. Neither is he. Rope is very intimate, but that doesn’t automatically mean it’s sexual. In this case, it’s more like an alternative form of therapy. Sometimes it’s the only way he can make it through the week.”
“But you said it was a kink thing. Isn’t kink inherently sexual?”
This is good. She’s processing the information and drawing conclusions, which means she isn’t focused on the water below. My strategy appears to be working. Maybe if I can prolong her curiosity, she’ll relax more and see me in a positive light.
I really want her to like me, and it’s not a feeling I usually have. I certainly find myself attracted to various women, but I’m used to being approached by people who already know my skills with rope and are clear about what they want. Kas is a whole other story.
“That’s a common misunderstanding. Yes, a lot of kink is sexual. Yes, that’s why a lot of people are attracted to it in the first place, but not all aspects of kink are about sex. Like any relationship, there are a lot of parts. Sex is one of them. Rope is always intimate between the rigger and the bottom.”
“Bottom?”
“The person being tied up is called the rope bottom. A woman is sometimes called a rope bunny. I suppose some guys would also consider themselves rope bunnies—I’m not one to judge.”
“And the rigger is the person tying up the bunny?”
“Right.”
“And you’re always the rigger, not the bunny?”
“I’ve been a rope bottom many times,” I tell her, “but it’s not my preference. It’s important to know what it feels like to the person I’m tying so I understand the feeling, but being tied up isn’t really my thing. I like to be the one with the rope in my hands.”