Note to self—say as little as possible today.
Instead of talking, I spoke with actions. I served up eggs, bacon, and toast to go with her coffee. I gathered up all the fruit in the condo and made a little fruit tray for her. I even squeezed fucking orange juice though just the pressure from pushing down on the juicing tool increased the tension in my muscles, and my head pounded harder.
I really wanted to pass out, but when I checked the clock, it was still an hour before Raine would need to head to class.
One hour. I can last that long.
The hour came and went. I cleaned up the remaining mess in the bathroom so Raine could take a shower, but after she got dressed, she sat on the couch and stared at me.
“It’s getting late,” I said.
“I’m not going to classes today.”
“You’re not?”
“No,” she said as she sat back against the throw pillow. “I think we have a little talking to do, don’t you?”
Fuck me.
I looked away and rubbed at my eyes. It did nothing for the throbbing in my head, but I hoped I would look pathetic enough to get a bit of pity.
“I’m not sure I’m up for it,” I said.
“I’m not giving you an option,” Raine retorted.
Fuck me twice.
“Fuck, Raine,” I groaned.
Oh there ya go, drop a few f-bombs on her. That’s bound to help.
She kept glaring.
So much for pity.
“I can’t do this.” I dropped my hand from my head and sat down on the opposite side of the couch. “I feel like shit, and everything I say is going to come out wrong.”
“You deserve to feel like shit,” she said. “I’ll keep it in mind while you explain yourself.”
I leaned forward with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. I stayed that way until she cleared her throat and plopped her bare feet up on the coffee table.
I obviously wasn’t getting out of this, so I went for delay tactics instead.
“Can I run first?” I asked quietly as I looked back at her. “Clear my head a little?”
She glared at me. I thought I might have heard an actual growl.
“It really would help,” I pleaded. I was trying for something between pathetic and desperate, but I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off. Mostly I just needed some time to think about what I was going to say.
“Fine,” she snapped. “Be back in an hour.”
I nodded, got dressed, and took off for the beach.
It was later than my usual run, and there were already a few people milling about the sand. The skies were grey, so I had that going for me; at least the sun wasn’t making my headache worse. The pounding of my shoes against the sand wasn’t helping, but I trudged on.
As the clouds began to thicken, the sky turned a darker shade of grey. Each step along the beach reverberated through my legs and up into my torso and shoulders, keeping time with my throbbing temples. It should have been relaxing and cathartic, but it wasn’t. I wanted each step to take me farther away from the decision I had to make, but I knew it only brought me closer. Even as the huge condo buildings of Miami Beach fell behind me, I knew I couldn’t escape what I had to do.
What was I going to tell Raine?