“You know that, do you?” I sneered, tired of this psychoanalytical game she was playing. A string of curses formed in the back of my throat and were on their way out when I stopped and let out a long, deep breath. I was suddenly very, very tired, and I dropped my head into my hands.
“Look, Raine,” I started with a sigh, “I know you are just…trying to help – or whatever – but I really don’t want to be helped. I like being drunk, and the first opportunity I get, I’m going to get drunk again.”
“I want to know why,” she said simply.
“Why what?”
“Why you became an alcoholic,” she said. “I just watched you go through hell and just about drag me through it with you. I want to know why.”
“We’ve been through this,” I reminded her. “I don’t talk about my past.”
“Well, that was before I kept you from choking to death,” she launched at me. “It was before I cleaned blood off your face when you tried to bite through your cheek. It was before you called me every name in the book. It was before I held you while you cried for four hours straight, and it was before you fucking hit me for trying to help you!”
Wow, I didn’t think I had heard her curse before.
My first reaction was to yell back at her, and I came very, very close to doing so. My second reaction was to say fuck it all and throw her off the raft, but it was just a fleeting fantasy, not something I really considered. I thought about tossing myself off the raft, too, figuring that was probably the best thing for all concerned. Then I considered just turning away and giving her the silent treatment indefinitely. As much as she liked to talk, it would probably kill her.
The decision I finally made probably shocked me more than it did her.
“Fine. I’ll tell you.”
“You will?”
“Yeah, but not until night. I need an actual fucking meal before I get into any of that shit.”
“Meal?” she asked. I could hear the glimmer of hope in her tone. “How are you going to manage that?”
I looked over to her and gave her a half smile.
“Wait and see.”
* * * * *
The water was calm which was going to make everything a lot easier. I made sure the lead was fastened tightly around my stomach before I pushed off of the raft with the knife in one hand and the waterproof flashlight in the other. I used the make-shift snorkel constructed from the tubing holding the raft’s canopy to breathe while I remained relatively motionless just under the waves. Only the flashlight moved – bobbing up and down and flashing around in the water.
I don’t know how long I was out there, only that I was nearly exhausted and ready to give up when a two-foot long Black Jack saw the light and came over to check it out. It swam around me in circles for a few minutes before it finally darted in close enough and tried to nibble at the light in front of my face.
I was instantly alert, and all the fatigue left me. For a moment, I could see and hear everything around me clearly, even through the murky water. I knew the location of every muscle in my body and the relative tension of each. My skin tingled, waiting for the moment when I would strike. It was the same feeling I had at the start of every tournament. Anticipation for the battle, yes, but so much more than that.
Total awareness.
You will feel it when you are ready. Absolute focus.
The knife went right through the side of the big fish, and the creature jerked swiftly right and left. I already had an arm around it, feeling its scales cut into my bicep and ignoring the pain as they imbedded in my skin. I twisted the knife back and forth before yanking it up and into the base of the skull. It stopped its jerking and sank onto the blade.
I broke through the surface of the water holding dinner over my head and saw Raine up on the edge of the raft, clapping her hands with a huge smile on her face. I couldn’t return it because the snorkel was still in my teeth, but I could feel the corners of my mouth trying to smile back at her anyway. I shoved the flashlight into my shorts and used the rope lead to get myself back to the edge of the raft where I spat out the snorkel.
“Oh, wow! I have never seen anything like that!” Raine shouted, looking like she wanted to start jumping up and down and probably toss herself right off of the raft.
I lifted the fish onto the folded down canopy and pulled myself up after it. As soon as I was back in the raft,
I felt her arms wrap around my shoulders and her lips momentarily press into my cheek.
“That was the most incredible thing I have ever seen!” she squealed. She looked flustered as she moved back away from me. “I mean – I couldn’t see very well because of the water, and you drifted a little ways away, but I could see the light, and I saw the fish try to jump out of the water, and you just held it, and…”
“Raine! Relax!”
“How in the world did you do that?”