“No, definitely fucking not.”
“May I ask how you learned?”
I glanced over at her and met her eyes. I knew what she was doing – asking me if she could ask instead of just asking the actual question. She was giving me the easy out. I looked away from her and down at my hands. The shaking was worse. I couldn’t hold them steady at all. I wondered how long DTs usually lasted. I’d never made it very far in the past – it was just so much easier to take a drink instead.
“Someone taught me,” I said. “He was a retired Navy SEAL, and he taught me just about everything I know.”
“What was his name?”
“Landon,” I answered.
“Will you tell me about him?”
Did I want to talk about Landon? Good question. The answer wasn’t so straightforward. In a word, no – I didn’t want to talk about him. However, I probably could talk about him without saying all that much, and maybe Raine would be appeased.
“He was…kind of like a father to me, I guess,” I finally said. “I never had a father, so I think that’s what they’re supposed to be like. I looked up to him, anyway.”
“I can’t imagine you looking up to anyone,” she said and smiled a little. “You’re so tall, I mean.”
“I’m not that tall,” I responded. “It’s just that you are just a couple inches away from being a midget.”
“I am not!” she cried with mock indignity. I smiled a little.
“Landon thought it was important to be able to handle any kind of…situation.”
“Like surviving at sea?”
“At sea, in the desert, in the jungle, in a cave, downtown Manhattan – whatever.”
She giggled again.
Holy shit. What was it about that sound that got me so worked up? I took a deep breath and said a mental “down boy” prayer to my crotch.
“Is he…still alive?” she asked.
“As far as I know,” I said. We were approaching dangerous territory faster than I would have liked. “I haven’t talked to him in a while.”
“I lost my father a few years ago,” Raine said.
I had expected as much. I tilted my head in what I hoped came off as a sympathetic gesture. I debated asking her what happened to him, but I really didn’t want to get into such depth of conversation – not with her or anyone else. Too much talking about oneself was dangerous. I kind of liked listening to her talk, though. About the time I decided to go ahead and ask her, she opened up her mouth and told me anyway.
“He was a police officer,” she said quietly. “He died in the line of duty.”
Great.
I wasn’t sure if it was irony, karma, Murphy’s Law, or fucking feng shui, but it just figured her dad had been a cop.
“I was still in high school when it happened,” she continued. “And all that was kind of a nightmare, really, so I got my GED, got emancipated, and spent a couple years in college. I couldn’t really cope and
dropped out last spring. I’m planning to start again in the fall, though. My friend Lindsay convinced me to take this cruise so I could relax and have a good time before I start my life over again.”
Raine issued a short, humorless laugh.
“Relaxing, huh?”
“I’ll let you know when the spa opens,” I said. I meant it as a joke and hoped it didn’t come out too harsh. “You picked the wrong vacation.”
“I would say so, yes,” Raine agreed, “but it could be worse.”