I need her.
Grabbing her hand, I twist it behind her and push her back to the wall. My dick is uncomfortable in the tight fatigue pants but feels better when I press it against her. I cover her mouth with mine, our teeth clashing together. There’s a hint of citrus on her tongue as I open my mouth to taste her, one that wasn’t there when I had kissed her before. This is nothing like the last time.
I want to devour her. I want to punish her for putting me through such agony. I want to scream and cry and fuck.
I grab the bottom of her lab coat and tear it aside. Searching with my fingers, I find the spot between her legs and cover it, feeling her heat. She gasps into my mouth as my fingers press against her sensitive flesh. I feel her moisture on my fingertips and sense the shift in her scent. She’s trying to speak, but I don’t let her. I press harder against her lips with mine until she shoves at my chest to break us apart.
“Stop!” she cries.
My movements cease, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Pressure behind my lids begins to build. All I can do is stand still, holding her against the wall. If I move, I won’t be able to control myself, command or not.
She’s safe. She’s okay. Everything is all right.
I can’t convince myself. Time is lost as we stand there, Riley pressing her hand to my chest and me with my fingers still cupping her pussy. Her breath is hot on my neck and shoulder. I concentrate on her breathing until I can convince myself to pull my hand from between her legs. I shift slightly so I can look at her face, but she won’t meet my eyes. Her jaw is tensed, her breathing irregular.
It’s a long time before I am able to speak again.
“I thought you were hurt.” I reach up and stroke her cheeks with my fingers, forcing myself to be gentle. “I thought I might fail.”
“I’m fine, Sten,” she says. She still doesn’t look at me, and I’m not reassured. “Everything is fine.”
“I’m sorry.” Whether or not my anger is warranted is irrelevant. I’ve upset her. I’ve scared her, and I don’t want her to be afraid of me.
“It’s all right.” She finally looks at me. “I understand. This is part of your training, too. You’re having difficulty moving from one mindset to the next. That’s good for me to know. I can adjust for that. There’s a setting in the primary implant that can be changed. It requires surgery, but it’s minor.”
Everything is about my training, my conditioning. She’s the doctor, and I’m the specimen. Everything I do is just another number in one of her charts.
I’m a lab rat to her.
“Don’t fucking do that again,” I say as I take a step back, releasing her.
It’s a plea, not an order. I know who is in control here, and it’s not me. Her words make it even clearer than it had been before. When she assures me it won’t happen again, I don’t even believe her.
I follow her back to the lab. My focus isn’t on Riley’s ass as she walks in front of me, but internal. My muscles are still tense, and there’s an ache in my thighs. There’s still anger bubbling inside my gut, and I have to fight to keep myself from punching the walls.
In the lab, Riley hands me my usual liquid nutrient drink. I hold it in one hand, staring at the contents and wondering what is really inside of it. I’m almost always given one at night, and I quickly fall asleep right afterward. If it is drugged, I’m not ready to drink it. I have questions on my mind.
“Are you still wiping my memories?”
“What do you mean?” Her tone is steady, but her shoulders tense slightly at the question. She knows exactly what I mean; she’s just biding her time before she answers.
Fine. I’ll play.
“Sometimes I think I’ve forgotten things.” I spin the cup in my hand and watch the contents swish around. “It seems like days have gone by, but I don’t remember what I’ve done.”
“Your past memories were erased to make room for the cyber implants,” Riley says. “We’ve talked about that. You’re training now. I need you to remember that, or we’ll be behind schedule. There’s no reason to erase anything new.”
She’s lying. I know she is. I shave every day, but sometimes when I wake up, I have slight scruff and other times more of a beard. I’ve been injured twice—once when I first woke up and once during a training exercise. Both times, my wounds were treated. Both times, I woke up the next day with no sign of injury.
The simulation was a lie. She’s lying to me now about my memories. What else has she told me that isn’t true?
Chapter 5
“I’m not tryin’ to tell ya how to run yer farm, Galen.”
An older man with an angular face leans against the barn door and chews on the pad of his thumb. I’ve known him for years, and I trust him implicitly, but his words distress me.
“I know yer feelin’ obligated to continue yer father’s legacy ‘n all, but the fact is, the fields are barren. You ain’t gonna get any grain out of ‘em.”