“You want me to find him?” I say without thinking.
What the fuck, Arden? You going to kill this girl’s ex?
She looks to me, and I don’t miss her quick glance to the rifle. She is far too observant for her own good, and she knows what I mean as much as I do, even if it is a ridiculous notion.
“No,” she says quietly, “I don’t think that’s really necessary.”
I reach out and grab her fingers.
“Sorry,” I mutter. “Reflex.”
Oh great – that makes it sound so much better.
She actually flinches a little, and I might not have even noticed if I wasn’t holding her hand.
“I won’t do anything,” I promise.
She nods.
“I would never hurt you,” I add. It’s so fucking important to me she knows I would never, ever do anything to hurt her, and I have no idea why.
She nods again.
“I know.”
“Come back?” My fingers grip hers a little tighter. I want the words to sound like a demand, not a question. “After you see your mom, you can come back here.”
I want it to be a statement…a charge…an order…but my own bizarre feelings of insecurity win out.
“You don’t have to-”
“I want you to come back here,” I interrupt. I need her to understand, even if I don’t.
“Why?” Her voice is so soft, I can hardly hear her.
I don’t know how to answer.
“Because,” I finally say. I look into her eyes, hoping she’ll find meaning there since my words are so inadequate.
Lia sighs and reaches up with her free hand to run it through my hair.
“How long will you be here?” she asks.
“I don’t know. It could be days or weeks. I just don’t know.”
“I need at least a couple of days with my mom.”
“Take them,” I tell her. “Just come back when you’re done.”
She stares at me for some time without saying a word but finally nods her head. I don’t know if it’s meant for me or if it’s just the way she is confirming her own decision to herself. I don’t care – she’s agreeing. Nothing else matters.
“All right, Evan,” she says softly, “but only on one condition.”
“Anything,” I say. Again, all brains have left me.
“Tell me your full name.”
“Lieutenant Evan Nathanial Arden.” No brains whatsoever. Maybe the doctor who did my psyche evaluation and said I couldn’t serve anymore was right.