“Fuck,” I muttered. “I definitely can’t think about that.”
“Which is why she left,” he pointed out.
I just shrugged. My chest was tightening up, and breathing was becoming more difficult.
“Have you talked to her since then?”
“I don’t know where she is,” I admitted. “She took all her stuff, but I don’t know where she went.”
“Friend’s house?”
“She knows some kids from her classes,” I said. “There’s a girl named Elissa who did some projects with Tria, but I think she lives in the dorm on campus. I don’t even know her last name, but I could probably find that chick, I guess.”
“Then what?” he asked me.
“Um…” I furrowed my brow when I looked at him. “Tell her I fucked up?”
Dr. Baynor leaned forward and dropped his arms over the back of the kitchen chair.
“Yeah? And then what?”
I just stared at him.
“That’s what I thought,” he said. He sighed and stood up straight again. “Liam, let me ask you something. Pretend for a second you’re Tria. You just found out you were going to have an unexpected baby. The father completely freaks out on you and doesn’t even tell you why, then abandons you. Tell me now—in her shoes—would you take you back because you admitted to fucking up?”
I made my way to the couch, rested my elbow on the armrest, dropped my head into my palm, and found myself nervously chewing on the pad of my thumb. I felt like I was choking or that my lungs weren’t working right.
Ultimately, I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Liam,” Dr. Baynor said with a softened voice, “let me ask you something else, okay?”
He waited until I cleared my throat and nodded before continuing.
“Do you love her?”
I gripped my hands into fists and leaned forward over my knees. I couldn’t sit still, and it felt like his eyes were crawling around on my skin. I wanted to come up with an answer, but I didn’t know what to say.
“I…I want her back,” I finally told him, “but I know I don’t deserve it.”
“Because of what you did when she told you she was pregnant?”
“That’s one reason,” I confirmed. “But fuck, doc—I don’t have anything to offer her. We live in the slums in a crappy apartment. I fight at a bar for cash, and for the most part, I’m an asshole.”
“You didn’t always live like this.” He glanced around the room as he moved over to sit next to me.
“I’m not talking about that shit,” I said. “I have nothing to do with my family.”
“I noticed,” he replied with a nod. “That is the one reason why I might agree with you.”
“Agree with me?”
“That you don’t deserve her,” he said. “You could, but at the moment, you won’t deal with yourself. I saw enough of Tria to know she deserves someone who is willing to take on his own demons. You left a life of luxury to live in one of the worst areas of town. You’ve turned to some pretty serious drugs instead of coping with what happened to you. Does she even know why you chose this life?”
I shook my head once, and the doctor blew a quick breath out his nose.
“This all comes down to whatever it is you’re hiding from everyone, doesn’t it? This is all about why you went ballistic on your mother and why Tria’s pregnancy put you over the edge, isn’t it?”
I realized I was rocking back and forth, and my hands were balled into fists again. I really, really needed to hit something, but the only viable target was the doctor next to me. Despite knowing I needed his help, I was still sorely tempted.