“I want us to be together,” I said softly. I ran my hand over her stomach again. “I know I ran off when I said I wouldn’t, but I always intended to come back. I know I went off the deep end, but it won’t happen again. Please…please don’t leave me. I can’t stand not being near you—not when you’re…like this. Not when you’re going to…to have a baby. My baby.”
Tria’s eyes filled with tears again, and I wondered if we could manage to flood the back of the Rolls.
“But you said…you said you didn’t want the baby,” Tria said, and her voice started to crack again. “You didn’t want to have a baby, not at all! No one ever wanted me, and I wasn’t about to have a baby who wasn’t wanted by his father!”
No one ever wanted me.
Her words echoed in my mind, and I realized how fucking stupid I had been not to think of it before. Unlike my keeping secrets from her, Tria had revealed her demons of the past to me when we were first together. Her fear of being unwanted and unlovable had threatened to drive a wedge between us. The rejection by her mother when Tria was a young child and then the influence of the Harrisons and their poisonous words telling her no one else would ever want her had taken their toll on her.
She thought I would feel the same way about the baby as her mother had felt about her.
“No, Tria,” I told her. “It’s not like that—it’s not!”
“You don’t want to be a father.” She sniffed as I looked into her eyes and my hand cupped her cheek.
“I do,” I whispered. “Ever since…since that time. I’ve always wanted to be a father.”
“You wanted me to get—”
“I know what I said,” I interrupted. “But it’s not because I don’t want to be a father. It’s because of what I pictured when you told me about…when you told me you were pregnant…”
I paused and took a couple breaths before going on.
“I just kept seeing you…like Aimee.” I had to stop again to fight with the images looming in my head. Tria’s arms tightened around me, and I hugged her back. “If something happens to you, Tria—it’ll kill me. It’s not that I don’t want the baby. I just need you, too.”
For a while, we just held each other. Sometimes we’d look into each other’s eyes, but mostly we just held onto one another with tears streaming down our faces. A few times, our lips met gently, but for the most part, I stared at her face and held on to her, afraid she was going to vanish from my arms.
Tria ran her fingers
over my cheek and across my jaw. She scratched lightly at several days’ worth of growth on my face and then traced the little scar over my eyebrow with her fingers.
“You aren’t going to find another fighting job?” she asked quietly.
“No,” I said as I shook my head a little. “Um, I think I’m going to work for, um…well, for my family’s company. It’ll be enough to support us…”
I let my voice fade out, not really sure if there was an us to support.
Tria lifted her hand to the back of my head and brushed my hair backwards.
“You need a haircut.” She sniffed while tugging at a few strands.
My lips twitched into a half smile.
“You should have seen me yesterday,” I said. “I look a lot better now.”
Her brow furrowed, and I was sorry I had mentioned it.
“What do we do now?” I could barely hear Tria’s words, but the message spoke volumes.
“I want to be with you,” I said. I didn’t dare look away from her—not for a second. “I want you close to me so I can protect you and keep you safe.”
I touched her stomach again. Even though there wasn’t yet any sign of pregnancy, I still felt drawn to the spot and the possibilities that were hidden beneath her skin.
A boy, a girl...new potential for a new beginning…for all of us.
“Please let me be our baby’s father,” I said as my eyes met hers. “Please let me try to be what you need me to be.”
As I waited desperately for her to respond, the doubt, concern, and tears in her eyes tried to rip me into pieces, but I held myself still. She studied my face for a moment and then looked down at my hand on her stomach.