“Hey, breathe, come ‘ere, shit.” I unbuckled both our seatbelts and pulled her into my arms as best I could with the shit in the middle of us.
What was I supposed to say? If I said the wrong thing she’d know that her brother had talked. “What happened, why did you lose all the color in your face?” I waited until she calmed down to ask. She eased out of my arms and back into her seat.
I held my breath hoping that she would open up and tell me the truth, but all I got was a shaking head and a dead stare straight ahead. I’ve felt low after fucking up a time or two, but nothing came close to how utterly gutted I felt.
I’d hurt her, the one thing I had promised myself I would never do. It was the last fucking thing I said to myself before falling asleep last night. That if I went there with her I would never hurt her, never cause her a moment’s pain.
Since she wasn’t talking and I’d already fucked up I started up the car and said no more about it. I pulled up to the place and she reached for the door.
“Hold up!” I slid out of the car and walked around to help her out. She still had her face set but I couldn’t give way on this one. I pulled her into my arms and held her precious head in my hand.
“No real man wants to see his woman suffer baby.” Her body reacted with shock at my words and I held her even closer. “I’m sorry I hurt you back there. Look at me.”
I hated the look of misery in her eyes. “It’s all going to be okay. I promise.” I lifted her chin and planted a soft slow kiss on her lips. She didn’t put up a fight and I let the kiss go on longer than I’d meant to, hating to let her go.
I walked her to the door and waited until she went in and turned on the lights before disappearing from view. Fuck this shit. I looked up and down the block and there was no one around.
Like hell she’s coming back here. This neighborhood might be better than the one I just dragged her out of, but it’s still New York. I went back to the car and sat on the place until the owner showed up almost an hour later when it was beginning to turn light outside.
I might have fucked up there at the end but I meant what I said. She wasn’t coming back here after today. ‘Don’t push’ my ass, if I don’t who will?
All the way back home I went back and forth on the best course of action. On the one hand she needed patience and on the other I feel like if I let her go on like this she’ll hurt herself.
I could either stand back and watch her self- destruct, or I can be the man that I am and take control of this shit before it goes off the rails. I’d promised to show her hadn’t I? Well what better way than to show her who I really am?
Maybe that’s just what she needs. Someone to take charge for a change and take the weight off her shoulders. If she gives me any shit with her pain in the ass self, well…she’s my pain in the ass. I’ll deal with it.
Mom was up waiting with fresh brewed coffee and a plate of her famous homemade raisin cinnamon rolls. “Is Tony on his way over here?” Those are his favorite.
“I woke up and you and that child were gone, I didn’t know what to think. Besides, we have a lot to do today and Tony’s a good boy, he deserves his favorite treat.”
“What makes him so good? The fact that he’s your snitch?” She smiled at me and got me a cup of coffee. No shame whatsoever in this one.
“Among other things. Now what’s the story?” I told her about Annabelle’s annoying ass, though I didn’t quite word it like that.
“That poor child. She’s hurting too much to stop and think. And she’s so lost. Poor little thing. We have to get her back to herself before she runs herself into the ground.”
“I understand maybe half of what you just said. Either way she’s not going back there. What the hell is she trying to prove?” If anyone would understand pain in the ass females she would, she’s damn near the mascot.
‘That she’s not her mother, that she’s not weak. But that’s only part of it. She has a lot of pent up stuff to deal with, things she’s not ready to face. And she’s smart enough to know that if she stops moving, she’ll have time to think and she doesn’t want to.”