I shook my head, and her grip on my hand tightened.
“What is it, Alexandra?” she repeated. “You are troubled.”
I looked over to the other side of the room where Branford sat with his adoptive father and felt my own tears trying to make their presence known. I blinked them away.
“Sometimes I wonder,” I said softly.
“Nonsense!” Sunniva scoffed and tilted her head to one side. “Branford adores you. Whatever would make you say such a thing?”
“He has been…distant,” I told her.
Sunniva’s eyes widened with understanding. For a moment she said nothing as she processed my words.
“Because of Hadley?” she finally asked.
I could only tilt my head in a noncommittal response, for I did not truly know. Despite his pledge of protection, I did not understand what was happening inside my husband’s clouded and overburdened mind.
“That is when it began,” I said.
“What has he done?” the queen demanded.
I looked to my husband, then back to my queen. The look in her eye told me there would be no refusing to answer her inquiry, so I told her. I dropped my eyes to my lap as I told her of Branford’s distance and his avoidance of me. I told her how he had barely been in my presence these months and had only in the past few days allowed me close enough to him to take care of his needs. I even told her that though we had been in the same bed again, he had still not touched me in the way I so deeply missed. Not since…not since he first went to Hadley’s room. Even though he had bathed me, and we had lain in our bed with our bodies close together, he had not taken me in the way a husband takes his wife.
The look on Sunniva’s face when I finally looked back up was similar to the one I had nearly pushed from the memories of my second night in Silverhelm. It was the expression she wore the night she had chastised Branford on his knees for his treatment of me.
“I am sure he did not mean it,” I said quietly, suddenly fearful of her wrath even though her mind was still on her husband’s final moments.
“I am sure he is more foolish that the most adept of jesters!” Sunniva shot back. She inhaled deeply and then let the air out through her nose over several seconds. Her hand patted mine as her eyes shot over to Branford. “I will be sp
eaking to him of this.”
“Please, Sunniva—”
“I will be speaking to him!” she repeated with force.
I dropped my gaze in submission, trying to decide if I was glad she would speak those words I could not or terrified of how he may react. What if he had decided he no longer loved me as he once did? What if he still protected me only out of obligation? I closed my eyes, trying to block those thoughts.
“Alexandra?” the queen said softly, and I looked back at her. “I have been so…preoccupied with Camden’s health these months. I should have seen what he was doing. I should have known what was happening, and I should have suspected it, yet I did not. Can you ever forgive me for my neglect?”
“There is nothing to forgive,” I replied. “You could not have known, and your duty lies here with Camden.”
“My duty goes far beyond his care,” she said. “I cannot ignore the rest of the kingdom in my sorrow, and I know you are aware of this. I should have recognized Branford’s behavior and fixed this long ago. Please, forgive me.”
“Of course.” I nodded, knowing it was better to accept her apology than to argue the necessity of it.
We both looked at Branford as he stood from the side of the bed, and Camden’s hand dropped against the mattress. Branford walked slowly toward us, and Sunniva’s eyes went wide.
“Is he…?” she croaked.
“Sleeping,” Branford said with a slow shake of his head. “But he is in much pain. The sickness has made his breathing shallow. I do not think…”
He did not need to complete his sentence.
Sunniva nodded, and her eyes brimmed over with tears again. Branford sat on her other side and took her into his arms as he looked at me, his eyes pleading. I did not know for what but thought perhaps he only desired the impossibility of changing what was happening.
If only I had such power.
Branford released his mother and stood again, motioning for me to follow. As I stood, he told me the hour was turning late, and we should retire to our rooms. I had not realized it was well into evening time. We had spent nearly the entire day in this room.