How long did a war last? I had no idea when he might return, and I found myself wondering if there was something I should say to my husband. Some words of encouragement or of comfort though I did not have any words to offer. There were words I wished to say—longed to say—but the time did not seem to be right.
“I love you,” I whispered softly as I stroked the side of his face, confident that only the darkness had heard me. Rousing my husband from sleep was quite a task, and I knew my quiet words would not even come close. These were the words that ran through my mind continuously as I thought of how our day would start with Branford leading his army away from the castle and off to war with Hadebrand. Would telling him such words spur on his bravery or cause him distress? What if he thought I only said the words because he was leaving and not because I truly had feelings for him? I remembered well his words when he took me as his wife for the first time—when he said he hoped that someday we would have stronger feelings for each other. Though I was sure he did not yet feel the same way for me, my own feelings became more apparent to me each day.
The hours wore on, and as I took a deep breath, I was no more decided on the matter than I had been at the beginning of the night. I lay my head back on Branford’s chest and closed my eyes though I knew it was too late, and dawn would be upon us before I would find any slumber.
As warm breezes began to rustle through our open windows, I felt Branford stir in his sleep and gently ran my fingers over the side of his rough face. He hummed under his breath, and his head turned to kiss the side of my hand.
“Have you slept at all?” he asked quietly.
“Somewhat,” I said, for I had dozed a little.
He turned his body toward me and pulled me tightly against him. He brushed his fingers slowly up and down my arm. There was still some time before dawn and his departure.
“You must promise me something,” he said into the darkness. “You must take care of yourself for me. I do not know how long I may be away from the castle, but I want to be sure when I return to find you in good health. Perhaps even showing my child in your belly, hmm?”
His smile was impossible not to return as he rolled on top of me and brought us together as one. My arms wrapped tightly around his back as he moved inside of me, but I was far too anxious to relax under his touch and find my release. Branford seemed to sense this and kissed me softly as he poured into me only a few minutes after he started.
He moved his hand up my shoulder to cup my face, and I turned to look at him. He brushed my cheek with his thumb, and his expression was melancholy as he traced the lines of my face.
“Promise me,” he repeated, his voice more earnest than before. “Rest and eat properly. You had almost nothing of your dinner last night.”
“I will try,” I told him. “Will you do the same?”
He continued to look into my eyes for a moment before nodding.
“Battle tends to make for good rest and a hearty appe
tite.” He tried to smile, but it faltered quickly. I turned my head to lie on his shoulder, and his hand went to my hair, stroking it gently as the sun began to emit an eerie glow in the field outside our window.
“I will worry for your safety,” I admitted.
“I shall be fine, my wife,” he said. “And the castle guard will remain partially intact, so you will not be without protection. Colin will remain as your guard, and I believe Amarra is adjusting well to the pack and will also provide you security.”
This was not something I had considered.
“They could come here?” I whispered.
“I will not allow that,” Branford stated with conviction, “but it is always better to remain cautious.”
I looked at him, intending to press him on the matter, but was interrupted by his mouth on mine, his hands pressed tightly to my back as he kissed me again and again. They were light, quiet kisses, and when he was finished, his gaze bore into mine as he touched my face and hair. I looked closely at him, wondering when I would again feel the touch of his hands in my hair or his lips on my throat.
All too soon, he rose quietly and began to dress as I heated water for his tea and donned a simple dress. I took his arm as we walked in silence to the field where Parnell was already assembled with many men and what appeared to be hundreds of warhorses.
Camden and Sunniva appeared shortly after, and I spotted Ida sitting off to the side of the field and staring at her hands clasped in her lap. She occasionally glanced at Parnell, who was instructing a page on the proper adjustment of a horse’s saddle. Branford released my arm and went to him, speaking quietly with words I could not hear. The men assembled outside the gates were kissing wives and children before mounting their horses and lining up with the rest of the army.
I could not help but wonder which of them were saying their final goodbyes.
All of us stood outside the castle gates. The field was covered with men and horses as far as the eye could see. Black and gold banners were held high in the front of the group, and others held spears, halberds, and maces high into the air as they shouted back and forth to each other in the dim morning light.
Branford and Parnell approached, and Sunniva immediately grabbed Branford and buried her forehead against his chest. He held her tightly and spoke softly into her ear. Ida and Parnell leaned close to one another, their hands clasped tightly together as they just stared into each other’s eyes, not speaking. Sunniva finally released Branford from her grasp and told him to be careful. Camden and Branford clasped each other’s forearms and spoke softly before Camden took Sunniva’s arm and led her away from the scene.
I stood in mute shock, my brain unable to process everything that was happening so quickly. Branford looked into my eyes as he closed the distance between us and placed his hands on my shoulders.
“I will return to you,” he said.
As much as I wished to believe his promise, I knew it was a promise he could not guarantee. I closed my eyes as I felt the back of his hand slide over my face. I could feel the eyes of those in the court who had come to see the knights off to battle as well as the eyes of the knights as they watched our exchange. I wished I had the forethought to have said my goodbyes to him in the privacy of our rooms.
“Please be careful,” I responded. I looked back to his eyes and felt a tear escape from the corner of my eye.