“Why, Alexandra?” Branford tilted his head way over to the side and looked at me straight on. “Am I so hideous to you?”
“No!” I said emphatically.
“Then why?”
“I don’t know,” I said softly. “I can’t even manage to get your title correct. I have no idea how I’m supposed to talk to you either alone or with others.”
“I don’t understand,” Branford said, shaking his head. “Just talk.”
“It’s not that simple,” I answered.
“Please, just tell me what you want to say.”
“I’m frightened of you,” I blurted out.
Branford’s brow furrowed, and he glanced away from me.
“What frightens you?” he asked.
“I don’t want you to be angry with me,” I said, admitting my fear. “You said we would talk later about the carriage driver, and we haven’t, and I don’t know what you are going to do when you’re angry with me.”
“What do you think I will do?” Branford asked.
“You’re a prince,” I replied. “You can do anything you want.”
Branford sighed and lifted his hand to run through his hair. He closed his eyes and shook his head for a moment.
“None of this is going right,” he mumbled to himself, and I felt panic immediately rise to my breast. Despite my efforts from before, he was going to send me away.
“Please don’t get rid of me!” I finally cried out and then covered my mouth with my hand, horrified.
“Oh, Alexandra!” Branford shook his head. “Why would you think such a thing?”
I had to look into his eyes because he sounded so sincere, and I needed to understand.
“Because I’m not good enough,” I said. “I'm only a handmaid. I don't know how to be your wife. I have no idea how to behave as the wife of a prince.”
“Alexandra,” he said, slowly drawing my name out. “I'm not going to send you away.”
“You could,” I whispered, “or worse.”
“Alexandra,” Branford repeated, his voice nearly as quiet as my own. “Have I given you any reason to think I would do such a thing?”
Sunniva’s words about assertiveness and being noble of heart came back to me. Maybe he hadn’t said as much in my presence, but he hadn’t said anything to the contrary, either.
“You haven’t given me reason to think you would not.”
“Why would I cast you out?” Branford asked.
Did he want me to list all the reasons again, or was he looking for something else? I was certain I had spent more time second-guessing myself in the last two days than I had in my entire life.
“You have…you could…there could be someone else you want to choose instead,” I whispered.
“What on earth are you talking about?”
I took a deep breath and decided if I didn’t say it now, I probably never would.
“I saw you…last night,” I said, hesitating a moment. I took a deep breath. “You were with that pretty woman from the court.”