How can she not know that we had sex? Did her overuse of F-bombs block her memory?
She hasn’t used a curse word stronger than “hell” since that night.
I recall the first night she was here and how she woke up speaking in a monotone and referring to herself as “Netti.” I thought she had been in shock, but what if that wasn’t the case? She said she didn’t put the donuts in her pocket when she clearly had, but what if she really didn’t remember doing it?
In the back of my head, I remember a cellmate telling me about a guy who pleaded not guilty to a homicide by reason of insanity. He said that even though he was there at the crime scene, he wasn’t the one who did the deed, but an alternate personality living inside of him—someone he could not control.
The plea didn’t work, and the guy had been sentenced to death anyway.
Is it possible? Can more than one person be inside the same body? Does Seri not remember having sex with me because she, in fact, did not? Does that mean I had sex with some other person living inside her?
This is insane.
My head is starting to pound. This is, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thought I have ever had. Everyone has mood swings, and two people can’t be inside the same body. Even my father had his good days when he would take me outside to play catch or go sledding. We even went fishing once though that day hadn’t ended well.
“Doesn’t it hurt the fish to have a hook in its mouth?” I asked.
“You want to know what it’s like to be a fish? Do you?”
“No.”
“Maybe you’d like to know what worms taste like, then? Want some of these?”
“No! I don’t want them! Dad, stop!”
But he didn’t stop.
As bizarre thoughts and irrational scenarios run through my head, Solo rushes out from under the bed and pounces on some fluff in front of Seri. She reaches out and rubs his belly before grabbing a stick by the fireplace and entertaining the kitten while I watch and contemplate.
Seri is bright and cheery for the most part. She’s had a rough time of it, but she’s persevered. She plays with Solo and cooks for me. She doesn’t swear, but what about Netti? She speaks in a monotone voice, matter-of-fact phrases, but I don’t recall her cursing constantly. Netti is observant and logical—practically emotionless—but she doesn’t curse. Does she steal? Is stealing donuts a logical act for someone who is without money and hungry?
And if neither of them curse, who did I sleep with? Was it someone else entirely?
What the fuck is going on here?
Chapter 13
I spend the rest of the day watching Seri and wondering who she really is. I listen to her more carefully than I’ve ever listened to anyone in my life, waiting to sense a change in demeanor, speech patterns, even a single curse word out of her mouth.
Nothing.
She plays with Solo. She cooks lunch over the fire. She wraps up in her coat and hands me tools as I dig a bigger hole in the snow just outside the entrance to the cabin. She speaks casually about what I have in my barn and how long it might be before we could go out there for something other than caribou.
By evening, I’m convinced that I’m that one who is nuts.
Seri has done absolutely nothing out of the ordinary, and I have obviously been making shit up in my head. Maybe having a second person in the bed is interrupting my sleep, and I’m just generally off. I really don’t feel much like myself, and her presence here is disruptive to my routine. It’s making me see and hear things that aren’t actually there.
What if sex with Seri had been my own dream? Being in the presence of a woman for the first time in forever may be enough to send me into erotic dream overload. Could it be that Seri doesn’t remember it because it only happened in my own mind?
“You still think we’ll be able to go out to your barn tomorrow?” Seri asks.
“Possibly. It’s still damn cold but better than it was. I wish I could get the radio to work to get a forecast, but we’ll just have to wait and see. At least the sun melted a bit of snow.”
“And there’s a much bigger hole out the front door!”
“That will help.”
Seri sits in my chair and thumbs through one of my books.