Or that I had been studying his family from afar? Nothing about this had been left to chance. Each step had been calculated down to the minutest detail. Except one. I hadn’t expected to want him.
But I’d gone through too much and come too far to let a little thing like that get in the way. After years of dreaming and plotting, I was now in the end stretch.
It had been an easy thing getting rid of the old nanny. At about the same time I was feeding him information on his wife, I was dropping hints to her, anonymously of course, about the crush the nanny had on her husband.
Funny, the woman who years earlier had seen nothing wrong with destroying a home and marriage was not too pleased when it came to her own front door.
It wasn’t long before she was looking for a replacement and I was in the right place at the right time to fill the spot. Of course I’d been watching her every move.
Reading every word she wrote on her computer with the little spyware I’d sent her in an email attachment with a brochure for a spa day. She never knew, never suspected that I had control of her computer.
Once I got rid of the nanny and put the rest of my plan into action it was easy. I made myself out to be as unattractive as someone with my looks could achieve, and with all the right credentials and my tone and manner, landing the job was a cinch.
I never did learn what excuse she’d used for getting rid of the other girl, and neither did I care. But it was obvious once she took the bait that she was afraid of someone taking her husband.
It couldn’t have been easy in that home, what with him suspecting her of the things I’d let drop in my anonymous letters and she thinking he’d been getting it on with the much younger babysitter.
But it was only the beginning of things to come. By the time I’m finished she’d wish she’d never laid eyes on my father all those years ago. My one regret is that I couldn’t tell her why this was happening. Then again, maybe one day I’ll find a way.
But it doesn’t really matter if I never get the chance, it will be enough that my mother and I know. My mother, she has no idea any of this is going on. For the past eight years she’s lived in a world of make believe.
The loss of her childhood sweetheart had so traumatized her that she never bounced back. And once dad died and there was no chance of them ever getting back together, she just seemed to give up.
I’d been angry at her too, angry that she never gave me a second thought. But then I figured if her pain was as strong as mine or even stronger, then she had reason.
I never want to be as weak as her though, and that is why I won’t let myself give into whatever this is that I’m feeling. I’ll never let myself be that vulnerable.
The fact that there may not be any children in my future is one I’ve had to make peace with. What was the point of bringing children into the world if their father was going to turn into a simple minded asshole who’d pull the rug out from under them and tear their lives to shreds?
Is that why I’ve grown so attracted to him? Because his pure love for his girls is evident in everything he does? It had been rumored that when they were born he’d set up a hefty trust fund for them the second they came into the world.
It’s also been rumored by those closest to him, those who dared speak of such things, that he doted on the little ones. And I’d seen firsthand how he is with them.
But how long will it last? Hadn’t my own father once doted on me in much the same way? Hadn’t he changed in the blink of an eye because something better came along?
That is why I must do this and do it right before her eyes. Even if she doesn’t remember my father, he’s not the only one she’d stolen away from a loved one.
She was known for it up until she got married, and even after. So it’s only fair that she bears the consequences of those actions. And that while she sits in that dark horrible room, not knowing what to expect next, she relives her past and sees the error of her ways.
Too bad it will be too late by then. This is just the beginning of what I have planned for her. I will not be satisfied until she’s trapped behind a locked door in a padded room, just like she’d done to my mother.