“What?”
“Kate said you admired me from a distance for a long time. Was it gratitude that I caught Clark and put him away? There has to be more than that. Why would you give up your career, put your life on hold and yourself at risk to do this?”
A part of her had hoped he would
n’t ask, but another part wanted to get everything out in the open, once and for all. Even as ashamed as she felt, she just wanted to get it said.
If she held herself very still, if she concentrated on saying the words and not the pain, she could get through this. “The day I escaped from Clark…I stood over him. I had a knife. He was unconscious, passed out from drinking. I could have killed him. He never would have known it was happening until it was too late. But I chickened out at the last minute and didn’t do it.”
Forcing herself to face him, telling herself she owed him this, she whispered the last painful secret. “If I had killed him that day, I could have saved twenty-five lives…including Meg’s. Your wife is dead because of me.”
She didn’t wait to see his reaction. Turning, she walked into the living room and, in a toneless voice, told Gideon, “I’ll be in the car.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Jazz slid the keycard into the hotel door. When Ash had asked her to come here to check on Jules, she’d had no problem agreeing. She wanted answers, and she wanted them now. The only people Jazz trusted belonged to OZ. Jules had not only betrayed that trust, she had done something no one to her knowledge had ever done—she had broken Ash’s heart. If she hadn’t known that Jules could easily kill her, she’d try to beat the answers out of her. But she had seen what Jules had done to Gideon, Lowell, and Jenkins. No way was she making that mistake.
Jules was sitting on the sofa, facing away from her. Jazz hadn’t been exactly quiet, so she had to know that she was here, but Jules made no effort to turn around.
“We need to talk.”
“I’ve said everything I need to say.”
The voice didn’t even sound like it came from the same woman. Ash had told her that Jules was not a threat, that she was working against Turner, not for her.
Even though she trusted her boss more than anyone else on earth, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was letting his heart call the shots on this one.
Refusing to be deterred, Jazz went around the sofa and sat in a chair across from Jules. Her breath caught in her throat at the changes in Jules Stone. Gone was the lovely, composed woman who’d fooled them all. In her place was a pale, hollow-eyed young woman with shoulders slumped from what must be a mountain of pain weighing her down.
Anger began to dwindle as doubts soared. This was not guilt, nor was it defiance. This was grief. An emotion that Jasmine McAlister had more than a passing acquaintance with.
“Talk to me, Jules. What the hell happened?”
A slight smile twitched at Jules’s mouth. “You and Ash have the same opening lines.”
When Jazz didn’t respond, a ragged sigh rattled through Jules. “What did Ash tell you?”
“Almost nothing.”
“Very well. What do you want to know?”
“Everything, but start from the beginning.”
* * *
Jules took a breath. Perhaps this was what she needed. Maybe a full cathartic cleansing would ease some of the pain. She had barely spoken to anyone since she’d left Ash and the cabin behind. Gideon hadn’t tried to talk to her, and she had been grateful for his silence. Having to discuss anything with the man who’d witnessed her embarrassing breakdown had been well beyond her.
He had driven her to a quaint little town close by and walked into the hotel with her as if he was used to escorting traumatized women with ripped gowns and ill-fitting tuxedo jackets into elegant hotels. Who knew? Maybe he was.
After arranging for her indefinite stay and escorting her to her room door, he had given her a sharp nod and left.
The only surprise after that was the doctor who’d shown up an hour later. He had explained that he was there to ensure she was all right. He had checked her vitals, encouraged her to get some rest, and then he had left. The OZ tracker she had thought he would remove was not mentioned.
Silly, she knew, but that one small omission had created a tiny kernel of hope inside her. The longer she stayed here alone, though, the smaller that hope became. It must have been an oversight on the doctor’s part, nothing more. The idea that she could still be a member of OZ was a useless fantasy. If anything, Ash had chosen to wait to have it removed because he wanted to know where she was at all times. Not because he cared, but because he didn’t trust her.
Why would he?
She hadn’t had the courage to talk to Kate yet. She had texted her and told her she would talk to her soon but she hadn’t yet reached that point. Not only had she hurt Ash, she had failed in every objective Kate had expected of her. Dealing with the guilt and a broken heart as well as letting down her best friend was all a little too much to deal with right now. Discussing things with Kate would have to wait until she could speak without falling apart.