“Maybe her motivations are different,” he suggests, just as we see a few groups of students huddling around outside for some last-minute fresh air before lunch is over.
Lily and Vivian are hiding out in an alley nestled in the middle of the building. Emmett is conveniently not far away, but he seems to be looking for someone. Hopefully he’s looking for me.
We watch as Emmett’s eyes search through the parking lot and outer campus, before he finally turns and freezes when he sees the two of us sitting together. I expect him to come over, but instead, he awkwardly turns and slowly walks back inside.
“I guess you two are officially a thing now?” Malcolm asks with a strange smile. I almost hear a tinge of jealousy in his voice, and I hate the way it excites me. I can’t tell if I want Malcolm to be jealous because he is so nice and good-looking, or if I just want to get back at Emmett somehow.
“You must think I’m a monster.” I shake my head with an embarrassed smile. “You probably know more than I think you do about how he’s treated me…I’m sure everyone does. And now I’m with him like some sick girl with Stockholm syndrome.”
“I don’t think you’re sick or a monster,” he replies sincerely, with a subtle lean towards me. “People are complicated. Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. You seem like a smart girl, so if you’re with Emmett…I’m sure you have a good reason.”
His words burn me deep. A few hours ago, I would have thought I had a million good reasons—with just as many bad ones, too. But now the only things that come to mind to explain Emmett’s and my relationship are uncontrollable urges. Like a car wreck I can’t stop staring at. And I know trying to explain that to anyone else would sound like nothing more than teenage hormones that I just can’t get a grip on.
“What if I don’t have a good reason?” I murmur quietly, half-hoping he won’t hear it. I feel terrible for even saying it out loud, and I wonder if it’s some weird cry for help seeping out.
Our eyes lock for too long as our faces grow serious. I wonder if
I wouldn’t be better off going for someone like Malcolm, who manages to stay far away from the Elites’ pull. Even when their software company was threatened by their wrongdoings, the Hendersons only got involved long enough to keep their names clear so they could focus on their work.
Malcolm is just as good-looking as Emmett, only nicer. He’s kind in an effortless way that makes me feel safe…and has ever since the first night he took me to meet with his father. And he seems to like me. At least enough to share his food with me and to look at me the way he is now, as if he’s waiting for any hint or sign that it would be okay for him to make a move.
The only thing that’s missing is the powerful, inescapable, magnetic draw that emanates from Emmett. As much as I want to like Malcolm in my head, because it makes more sense and seems like it would be easier and simpler, my heart and body just don’t feel inflamed in the same way as they do with Emmett. And maybe that’s what makes it a healthier attraction, but it doesn’t make it more appealing.
Any hint of a spark I want to exist between us quickly falls flat. “Forget what I said,” I announce suddenly, as we both let out sharply exhale at the weakened tension between us. “I do have good reasons. Lots of them,” I lie. “It’s just been a hard day. Emmett’s going through a hard time.”
“So then maybe you should be with him,” Malcolm bites back, sounding jealous and accusing as he stands from his seat and swipes the grass and dirt from his pants. He seems mad, but that doesn’t stop him from extending a hand down to help me up.
I put my hand into his in surprise as he hoists me up. But once I am on my feet again, I quickly begin shaking the grass from my own pants and hurrying to gather my things. I don’t want to risk any surprising moments that could happen if we keep looking at each other with my hand in his. I catch a subtle nod of acceptance in the corner of my eye as he begins to gather his things as well.
“Well, it’s about time for our next class,” I say too loudly, bobbing my head while still standing frozen to that spot.
“Guess so,” he says, mocking my body language and tone.
“Okay, then,” I breathe out, as I finally start to walk away, but I can’t stop myself from turning to face him one last time. “Malcolm, you’re a really nice guy.”
“Hey, Ophelia.” He throws his hands up in surrender. “You don’t have to placate me,” he explains with a nervous smile. “I mean, you’re an incredibly attractive and sexy girl…with the brains and personality to match. I can’t say that I wouldn’t be happy if you and Emmett weren’t a thing, but you deserve to make your own mind up about these things. And I’m not lonely or anything…believe me.”
His tone turns cocky at the end of it, which should gross me out. But instead I am filled with a surge of burning desire. His complimentary confession makes my heart swell, and the implication that he has no trouble with girls sounds like a challenge. Like I am passing up on goods in high-demand. I shake my head, hating the way my own thoughts are beginning to sound.
“All of this entanglement with the Elites is fucking with my head, I think,” I confess, blushing over my thoughts in combination with the things I suggested to Emmett earlier. “But you are a nice guy. And you seem like a good friend. Maybe one I need to have around to keep me grounded in all of this.”
“Deal,” he answers, holding out his hand. “Friends to keep each other clear-headed in this nightmarish jungle.”
I shake his hand and practically sprint away as fast as I can, before any more revealing thoughts pop into my head, or worse…out of my mouth. The rest of the day feels off, but in a good way. I appear to be momentarily free from Emmett’s sex-hazed state of mind, and instead find it easier than ever to throw myself into schoolwork as an escape.
For three more blissful periods, I barely think about him, Vivian, Lily, or even Malcolm at all. It’s as if our short little encounter on the edge of the schoolyard, and the edge of the lingering Elites’ drama, allowed me to come up for air and set myself straight again.
5
Chapter Five
I continue feeling clear-headed well into track practice that afternoon. There’s no reason to feel this way, other than that little bit of time with Malcolm, which was surprisingly and inexplicably refreshing. I wonder if that’s how it would feel all the time if Emmett was out of the picture and anything ever happened with Malcolm, or even just someone like Malcolm. Someone who hasn’t tortured and kidnapped me, and then somehow roped me into forgiving him through his own family drama.
But it really doesn’t matter. My clear head doesn’t make things any less confusing. There are Malcolm’s good looks and kindness to complicate our agreed-upon friendship, and Emmett is still mad at me as far as I know. And Vivian and Lily are likely just waiting for their next chance to strike at me. With Vivian at school again and Lily as her newfound sidekick, sharing a sudden and renewed hatred toward me, I’m forced back to beginning every day in dreaded anticipation of what will happen.
But all of that easily drifts away as I run through my laps. Fall is setting in, sprinkling orange and yellow leaves across the track that blow up in clouds around us as we run through them, our sneakers crunching across the ground with each sharp step. I love the way the cool breeze feels against my hot skin, and I can barely see faint traces of my breath in the air.
My thigh muscles ripple with power, my pounding steps in rhythm with my sharp and heavy breaths. The chord to my headphones bounces against my chest as heavy rock beats boom in my ears, drowning out everything else around me. I feel like I could run even faster and keep going like that for hours. It may have been harder to run when things were at their worst with the Elites, but I’m back in full force now and can’t seem to get enough.