My father and I aren’t so different in some ways, I think as I shuffle to my bedroom. He refused to bend to the Elites’ intimidation when they ran him out of town. They stripped him of his shares in their business, cast him out into society and made my mother leave him, taking me with her. He never stopped trying to jail them for all their crimes, and then he came charging back after all this time to make them pay.
I may not be able to do much of anything to make the Elites pay for what they’ve done to me. I guess he took care of that for me in a weird way. But I didn’t let them break me. And I only fully realize that now. I may have been afraid and had moments of weakness as anyone would in my position, but I stayed strong. I never let them fully break me.
Except for Emmett. I don’t feel strong when it comes to him. He got to me more than anyone, and now I have to walk around haunted with the memory of him being inside of me.
My shoes are still squishing from the rain across the carpet of my bedroom. I would collapse on my bed right now if I wasn’t soaking wet. I peel the heavy wet clothes from my body, tossing them into the bathtub with a plop. My fingers trail across the bathroom counter, and I wonder if I’ll ever look at one of these the same again.
I try to push it down. I’ll never sleep if I start thinking about Emmett, and I’m in desperate need of rest. But his words haunt me anyway. My stomach turns to remember the way he suggested over and over that he had no choice in all of this. For all that I’ve been through, it never made me do horrible things to the people around me. The only horrible thing I’ve done is fall for him. One thing that I’m certain of is that I never have and never will be as messed up as he is.
I slide on some clean underwear and an oversized shirt, blotting my hair with a towel. I probably need a shower, but I’m too tired. Now that I’m dry, I instantly collapse into bed
It’s an intense feeling to return home when you never thought you would again. Everything feels different. The sheets feel softer. My mom’s cooking wafting from downstairs smells stronger and more inviting than ever before. I’m free. Something that I worried I would never feel again.
I relish in the feeling of my own bed. I am certain that once I fall asleep, I will sleep for a million years. But neighborhood dogs are barking, prompting me to shove my pillow around my ears to block it out. They sound louder than they should, giving me a headache.
The police station. Emmett. My mom. My dad. It all swirls through my head, making me nauseous. I can’t shake the feeling of dread that this isn’t over yet. Emmett won’t give up so easily. It seems my father may not either. Everything between my mom and I will be different now. Especially as I try to recover from this nightmare.
I feel like my chest is caving in from the weight of it all, but thankfully I am so exhausted that my body takes over and goes into autopilot. At some point, I finally drift into a deep and heavy sleep.
25
Chapter Twenty-Five
Things have almost gone back to some semblance of normal. Coach Granger is back and working me harder than ever. I’m happy to have running back as a form of distraction and therapy as I’m still reeling from everything that’s happened.
Brendan and my mom bought into my story, writing off my disappearance as reckless abandonment. I just got so swept up in my feelings for Emmett that we ran off together. They’re of course not happy that I would be so careless, but my mom mostly just seems relieved.
But I think she suspects my father may have reemerged and is somehow responsible for the Elites’ demise. No matter what the police say. I see her frequently reminding herself to write it off as paranoia. She’s just so happy he doesn’t appear to have got to me, that she’s welcomed me back with open arms, just asking that I never do it again.
I still desperately want to ask her more about her side of the story. Especially now that I know they tried to accuse her of adultery to ruin my parents’ marriage. My mom is the most loyal person on the planet, so I have no doubt that it was a set-up. And even if it had been true, it wouldn’t have excused my father’s behavior. She had to be so afraid and alone. Punished for something she didn’t do and then left on her own to raise me.
But I know it’s too soon to start digging things up with her. She’s already suspicious and on high alert, and I could use a little more time to process what I already do know.
I wish my lies were true. I wish this has all just been normal teenage misbehavior. And that my father really hadn’t got to me. If she only knew just how much he did…or how close she came to losing me, I don’t know what she’d do. I have to convince myself my alibi is the true story sometimes, just to make it through the day.
It’s been a few days since the news started spreading about the investigation into all of the Elites’ dirty dealings. Emmett and Bernadette coming out on top, completely unscathed as promised. But word is that Bernadette is so distraught from the loss of her father that she’s completely hysterical and inconsolable. She obviously didn’t know her father the way Emmett did.
My heart hurts for Bernadette in a way. To see her own father be murdered. I remind myself that she’ll have it out for me. After all, it was my father who killed him. But maybe Emmett will protect me. I have no idea how he feels about me now that I’ve refused to give in and give him a chance at redemption.
I’ve heard nothing from my father, thankfully. I know he never really cared about me. I was just as much a pawn to him as I was to the Elites. Emmett claims I was more to him, but I haven’t heard from him either ever since I asked him to leave me alone. I told him only space and time would determine if I could ever find some way to forgive him. It was a fib I threw out to get him to leave me alone, thinking I would never really be able to trust him again.
But secretly, I did wonder if I could bring myself to open up to him. I am still fiercely attracted to him, and there aren’t many parts of the day when he isn’t taking up at least some portion of my brain. I worry it might be some kind of Stockholm syndrome, so I am grateful for the space to sort it out.
I fire through track practice, leaving all the other girls in the dust. Though the nightmare I’ve been through took
up a lot of time, putting me out of practice, I have a new fuel out on the track. Now running is a mission to escape everything I have been through. I tell myself if I run fast enough, maybe it will all be so far behind me that I won’t see it at all anymore.
Every slam of my foot to the ground is the crushing of another memory. Each mile behind me puts me further into the future. Every pained breath in my lungs washes out more of Emmett. I am taking it one day at a time, but at this rate…everything will be behind me in no time.
The other girls can’t even touch me now. No matter what hell they’ve seen in their lives, I doubt any of it holds a candle to what I’ve experienced. Emmett and I are connected in that way now. The strange isolated privileged life of wealth he’s known makes him so different from everyone else around him. And now I feel different too.
As I’m finishing up, I can’t help but think how happy I am that Coach Granger is back. I don’t pry into his personal life to ask what pulled him away, but I suspect the Elites had something to do with it. Maybe he was the only person they couldn’t sway, so they caused some kind of trouble in his life that forced him to be away.
“Good work out there today, kid,” Coach Granger beams, patting me on the shoulder.
“It’s good to have you back,” I tell him, swinging a towel over my shoulder as I head for the locker room. “Is everything okay? You were out for a pretty long time.”
His stare grows distant and stern. “Just some trouble at home,” he answers lightly, with a strange unease about him. “It’s funny,” he remarks in a way that doesn’t sound amused at all, “I had just mentioned to some people I know how worried I was about you right before everything happened.”