“What will you do now that your friends’ families will fall and yours won’t?” I ask bitterly, figuring he must think he’s hot shit right now. The Elites have been upgraded to a one man show. The rest of them are going down and he gets to walk away with everything. “I can’t help but think your motivations weren’t as centered on my safety and well-being as you claim. I mean, you ended up with a pretty sweet deal out of all this.”
He moves closer in slow cautious steps, his eyes trained to me. “Not if you won’t talk to me,” he protests. “I don’t care about the money and all that other shit. The Elites can kiss my ass. I’ve always hated the whole fucked up game. None of it means anything if I don’t get you in the end. Please, Ophelia. You’re mine.”
I want to scream. I don’t belong to anyone. Especially not him, but I can’t deny the way my heart warms and swells at the thought of it. What he used to always say…his little pet. I’m tempted to give in to it. Curl up right in his arms. Submit and give myself over to him the way I did in his bathroom. It felt so good to stop fighting it for once.
He can sense my hesitation and takes it as an opportunity to inch even closer, placing his hand to my cheek. My lips part beyond my control and everything in me yearns to feel his lips against mine a
gain. I am so close to giving into him. My eyes close and I want to melt against his body, but I force myself to pull away.
“I can’t, Emmett,” I whimper as my voice cracks, taking a few steps back and looking off into the distance. “I don’t see how I can ever trust you.”
Maybe if I just try to forget any of this ever happened, I can move forward. It’s too painful to face straight on.
It’s not just about Emmett. I don’t know how I can ever trust anyone ever again now that I know the kinds of things my father is capable of. My own father. His greed and maliciousness could be hereditary. Maybe it’s in my blood. Either way, even my own father would kill me to serve his own desires.
I don’t let myself feel certain of anything anymore. I’ve learned my lesson well enough to know I’m not in control of what can happen. I have to trust my gut now. And I can’t shake the feelings of unease that plague me when I look into Emmett’s eyes, no matter what other feelings I have for him.
But his moans of pleasure haunt me. The way his face wrinkled in ecstasy. I want to go back to that place with him, where I was able to let go as my body did the talking. Responding to him without hesitation. Surrendering to the sensations of how he felt inside. The touch of his hands. I half consider begging him to take me somewhere so we can have sex again. That made sense to me. But I know when it’s over, it would only confuse me more and leave me worse off than I am now.
“I know you deserve better than me, Ophelia. You deserve better than your father too,” he insists, speaking to my hesitation.
“I have better, Emmett,” I remind him bitterly. “I have a whole life outside of this shitstorm you’re wrapped up in. I have a mom and stepdad that love me. I had a promising running career ahead of me, if that hasn’t been ruined by everything that’s happened. I was just fine before you, and I’ll be just fine after you. If you’ll just leave me alone.”
“But that’s just the thing,” he rasps. “I can’t. I knew this whole thing was fucked from the moment I first saw you. I knew I’d never be able to do the things I was expected to do. I feel too much for you.”
“It sure didn’t stop you in the beginning,” I sneer.
“Come on…you know you want this just as bad as I do,” he pushes toward me again, his touch begging me to melt into him. “Give me a chance to make all of that up to you. We’re both fucked up. But…maybe we can find some way to make each other better. Look, Ophelia, I’m sorry. Just please try to understand – I’m not perfect. Neither are you, okay? I’m not going to stand here and lie…”
“For once.” I cut him off. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Emmett. That’s the difference,” I growl, resenting that he could even begin to suggest I am as fucked up as he is.
“I’m not going to stand here and pretend like I have all my shit figured out or that I knew what I was doing this whole time,” he carries on, rain dripping down his face. “I just…I just didn’t think and got in over my head and…and I really didn’t mean to ever hurt you. I was selfish, I know that. I did it all wrong. But I’m lost too, okay? That’s why you and I get along…because we’re both just lost and fucked up and trying to figure it out.”
“I wasn’t fucked up until I met you,” I hiss, making him recoil finally. He looks genuinely sorry. I want more than anything to tell him it’s all okay and we could keep trying to figure it all out together. But then my father resurfaces in my mind, and I just know this can never work.
“So…what now?” He looks at me eagerly.
“It just…it has to be over now. That’s it. It’s ruined. I can barely look at you now, knowing what you were doing this whole time…working with my father behind my back,” my words trail off into the sounds of the rain, my head shaking in exasperation.
He hangs his head and I think I see a tear streaming down his cheek, surprising me. But the downpour makes it too hard to tell. “I’d take it all back if I could.” His voice is cracking.
But knowing so many lies have been told by this point, I don’t know whether to believe his tears or not. It is still so hard to walk away. Half of me wants to run away and never look back. The other half of me would let him take me again right here, right now.
“Emmett…” I walk over to him and touch his cheek, as we both sob uncontrollably. This is the only time in my life I have ever cried so openly with another person. “I wish you didn’t do all of those terrible things, but…maybe this just wasn’t meant to be.”
He leans his forehead against mine and we’re both paralyzed in the pain for a moment. I realize if I don’t leave now, I might lose the strength. I pull away and start walking down the sidewalk.
“Ophelia…” I stop and face him, afraid of what he’s about to say. Afraid I won’t stick to my resolve. “Do you think…maybe after some time has gone by…maybe you could give me another chance?”
“I think it’s better if we just let it go. Just let me go,” I turn to run away before he can say anything else. Before I can change my mind.
I run through the dark streets, my wet cheeks freezing in the wet wind. I don’t stop until I’m home. The heat in the house burns my face when I walk in, and I find mom sitting at the kitchen table leaned over with her head in her hands.
“Mom?”
She jerks up, her eyes bloodshot. “Ophelia, sweetie…hey. I’m glad you’re finally home.” She notices my face and looks concerned. “Are you okay? You’re soaking wet!”
“No, not really. Are you okay?” I respond breathlessly, still confused as to how she is so calm about how long I’ve been missing. I join her at the table. “We have to talk, Mom.”