“You begged,” he replies arrogantly.
I want to slap him across the face, but I’m afraid of what he would do in response. Instead, I curl into myself, making my body small. Wishing I could just disappear. I thought giving myself over to Emmett would make me feel better about the chaos and danger around us, but his quick withdrawal of feeling is only making it worse. I feel even more alone than before.
I stare with empty eyes at my feet dangling from the counter, turning the same shades of red and white that my hands and arms have been up until now. I wonder how long it will be before I’m chained up again. And how long after that before they finally kill me.
That’s it, I think. He’s gone. Everything I thought was between us was just his urge to get what he wanted. And now that I’ve given it to him, I have no more power over him. Not only am I disgusted with myself for caving in, I’ve endangered my life. He’s the only one who’s given me any hope of maybe helping me. At feeling something for me enough that I might be able to get out of this. But now I’ve lost that.
But it isn’t a conclusion I’m prepared to come to yet – I don’t have the energy. I let out an exasperated sigh and tuck away all of my thoughts to some other part of my brain, as I’ve grown so used to doing.
“Well…thanks. I guess,” I grumble awkwardly in the face of his sudden cold detachment as he fumbles to put his pants back on, refusing eye contact.
“I really do need to go to school,” he replies dryly. “I never made it before. I had to come back when you texted.”
“Emmett…please, please let me come with you,” I try begging again, forgetting about the rest of what just happened for a moment. “You know as soon as you leave that your dad will come for me again.”
He nods knowingly, his eyes deep in thought. “You’re right,” he resigns. “But it’s too risky.”
“You told me to convince you!” I cry out, losing my composure. “And I gave myself over to you. Which I realize now was a fucking stupid thing to do. But the least you could do is have the decency to take me with you now that I gave you what you wanted.”
“You think that was a mistake?” he asks, almost looking hurt.
I am stunned and silent. Does he not think it was a mistake? Could have fooled me with the way he immediately pulled away. Unable to look at me. All I can do is shake my head in exasperation.
“Alright,” he mutters. “I’ll take you.”
> My heart surges with renewed hope. I know it means nothing and that we’ll end up right back here afterward. My fate being no more certain than before. But at least I can have a few brief hours of escape. And outside of these walls, the possibilities of being saved or helped in some way are a million times stronger.
I awkwardly put my clothes back on, too tired to think about this thing with Emmett anymore. All I care about right now is getting the hell out of this house.
21
Chapter Twenty-One
As Emmett’s car pulls up to WJ Prep, the sight of the kids gathered in front of the school in between periods gives me hope. Though my situation may be completely fucked, there is still a normal world carrying on without me. And maybe, if I play my cards right, I can find some way to rejoin it all soon.
It’s strange to be back at school, pretending that everything is fine. No one knows that I’m being held hostage. If this school wasn’t so fucked up, I’d try to ask for help, but I know all too well how futile that would be.
I try to convince myself my life is normal for a moment. I think back on Emmett’s and my encounter in his bathroom as I watch him kick a few pebbles around on the ground on our walk to the front of the building. I want us to just be normal teenagers. A guy and a girl who like each other, who’ve just had sex with each other for the first time. We should be giddy and all over each other, but instead we’re caught in our parents’ traps. He’s too damaged to ever truly feel anything for me, which he made obvious by his behavior when he was finished with me.
I have to remind myself of everything Emmett has done. He is not so innocent, and I’d be dumb to forget that. I feel dumb enough for the times I’ve forgotten it up until now. But it’s tempting. That’s how desperate I am for things to feel ordinary.
Emmett escorts me to my next class, refusing to leave me as he takes a seat next to mine. The teacher eyes him questioningly.
“You’re not even in this class,” I hiss into his ear.
“I’m not letting you out of my sight,” he barks. “They’re not going to do anything.”
I shouldn’t be surprised when the teacher starts the lesson as normal, ignoring Emmett’s unexplained presence. Neither of us can focus on the lecture. This is just a way to kill time and keep up appearances until everything comes to a head.
After class, we meet Bernadette out in the school yard. We all stand in a silent daze. We only made it in time for the final period, and it’s time to go home now. But I can only assume Bernadette and Emmett are just as eager for an escape as I am, avoiding going home. At least that’s one thing I can take comfort in. They’re all just as stressed as me, just for different reasons.
Emmett’s phone dings, and whatever he receives causes his features to twist. “I’ll be right back,” he announces suddenly, prompting me to shake my head in protest. But he ignores me, turning to Bernadette. “Don’t let her out of your sight,” he tells her sternly.
“Where are you going?” I ask desperately, afraid to be left alone without him. But he ignores me and disappears around the corner of the building.
Bernadette and I are left alone in awkward silence as she scrolls around on her phone. As much as I hate her, it feels strangely good to be around anyone who understand what our lives really are right now.
Anxious and unsure of what else to do, I pull out my own phone, thinking surely my parents have called and messaged me a hundred times asking where I am. I’m surprised they’re not at the school looking for me. But of course, my phone is dead. Leaving me completely detached from anything outside the bubble of the Elites.