Allison nodded. “Yes. He does.”
“And you’re right. I’m a bit upset with him that he won't go to college.”
“You know he doesn’t owe you that for helping him, right?”
I paused. “Who the hell said anything about him owing me?”
“That’s why you’re upset, right?”
“Hell, no. I’m upset because it wasn’t even a decision for Michael to follow you to school. But Clint doesn’t--”
She squeezed my hand. “You think Clint doesn’t want to be with you as badly as you want to be with him.”
I shrugged. “Wouldn't he want to come to college with me if he did?”
“Not necessarily. We all know school isn’t Clint’s thing. He talked all the time about sticking around home. At least for a little bit. It wasn’t like it came as a surprise.”
“I guess I was hoping he’d change his mind and come with me.”
“Can’t he come with you and still not do school?”
I sighed. “I don’t know. He doesn’t make it seem like that. He says he’s got responsibilities to his stepmom. Helping her stay afloat after the divorce and all.”
“And you want him to choose you over her.”
“No. Not at all.”
“That’s the only decision you’re giving him right now, from the sounds of it.”
“I just--” I groaned as I tried centering myself. “I just… wish things were different for him. For me. For us. It looks easy with you and Michael. Free rides. Aspirations. Dreams. Parents to pay for things.”
Allison snickered. “You think it’s easy for us? I’ve got parents that want all the doors in the house open when he’s around. I’ve got a father that still comes with us on dates.”
“Wait, what?”
She giggled. “Yeah, Rae. I envy the alone time you get with Clint. All the time, it seems.”
“I didn’t know any of this.”
“It’s not easy for us. It just looks easy because you’re seeing what you don’t have instead of seeing what you do. Michael and I? We’re just excited to get away from our parents. I’m shocked my parents agreed to me having an off-campus apartment with Michael coming to my same school. I can’t wait to have him over. Have some space to ourselves to just exist.”
“I just wish Clint wanted to follow me. That’s all.”
She squeezed my hand again. “Then tell him that.”
I shook my head. ‘I can’t tell him that.”
“Why not? Rae, you’ve helped him through so much--”
“Yes, to get to where he is now. Away from his father. And now, I’m supposed to be the one to tell him to leave the only shred of a parent he’s ever had to come with me? Really?”
She paused. “I guess I never looked at it that way.”
“Yeah, well, it’s the only way I’ve been looking at it. He has to want that for himself. Because otherwise, he’ll resent me for it. Me, always at school. Him, sitting around some studio apartment waiting for me. If he doesn’t want that for himself, he’ll eventually accuse me of isolating him or some shit. I know that happens. I’ve seen that happen.”
“Have you told him any of this?”
I licked my lips. “No.”