I blinked. “Spit what out?”
“What’s bothering you so badly. You're zoning out in your shifts. You’re not paying attention to the customers. I know a distracted person when I see them. My father’s always distracted.”
I nodded slowly. “I’m sorry.”
“No, no, no! Not a bad thing. Just an observation. There’s something on your mind. Why don’t you talk about it?”
I shrugged. “Don’t want to.”
“I think it might help if you do, though.”
I sighed. “Pauline, I really--”
“Come on. You know you can trust me. I’m your co-worker. I see you during your shifts. We talk on our breaks. I’ve got your back, girl.”
Fine, whatever. “I just don’t know why I have to have it all figured out now is all.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I mean--I’m only eighteen, right?”
“Right.”
“So what’s the issue with taking a year off? Why do I have to be pressured to take scholarship money now or lose it forever? Am I not worth their money in a year? What’s up with that?”
“You make a good point.”
“And, fucking hell, I’m leaving the only place I’ve ever known. I’m leaving my friends behind. My mom. My boyfriend. And I don’t even know if he wants to come with me! Or meet up with me eventually! For all I know, I go off to college and that’s that.”
She whistled lowly. “Sounds like you need to talk with him.”
“Yeah, well. He’s got his own shit going on. And don’t get me started about leaving this job. I don’t even have a job on that end yet. What if I don’t find one? It’s not like my mother has money to give me. If anything, I’m giving her money!”
“Mooching mothers. That’s some shit right there.”
“Yeah. It is. And to top it all off? I don’t even know if I’m going to want to teach once I get out of school. I might graduate with this expensive degree and then want to do something completely different. Something with graphic design and art. I’ll really be shit out of luck, then.”
“Why don’t you do graphic whatever instead?”
“The college I’m going to only has a minor in it.”
She nodded. “Well, fuck.”
“Yeah. Fuck.”
I sighed, but with relief. It felt good dumping this on to someone instead of letting it swim around in my head. But why was it easier to talk to my annoying twenty-two-year-old coworker than it was my friends? Or Clint?
“You want my advice?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Try your best.”
“I think you still have plenty of time to change your mind. I mean, even if you decide at the beginning to pursue English with education or whatever, your first two semesters are going to be used to get requirements out of the way. Math. Science. Shit like that. And if you figure out that school isn’t for you at all, you can drop out and get most of your money back if you don’t complete the semester.”
I blinked. “Don’t I pay for the whole year upfront, though?”
She shook her head. “Nope. They bill you by semester.”
Huh.