After indulging in an ice cream cone that dripped down the length of my arm, I washed up. Giving Rae some space, and giving me the ability to splash some water in my face. Maybe it was the heat. Or the pressure of looming decisions, but she’d been a lot snappier lately. And it wasn’t just at me. Mike asked me more than once if she was all right. And sometimes, I saw Ally’s face contort in pain whenever something flew out of Rae’s mouth directed right at her. I knew something deeper was going on with my girl. I knew something was bothering Rae.
I just didn't know what.
Or how to begin to fix it.
I made my way back out to the booth and slid in beside Rae. I got the feeling she didn’t want to be held, so I simply sat there, watching her as she watched the ocean. In any other world, this should’ve felt like a utopia. A perfect world, where nothing else mattered except the two of us.
But it didn’t feel like that at all.
And what was worse was that these times were quickly coming to a close. In a few weeks, we’d all be tossed to the corners of California’s map. Without any way to get back and see one another easily. Mike and Ally were on their way to Stanford, of all places. Which didn’t shock me one fucking bit. They were both smart. More intelligent than I could’ve ever been. I mean, all I was doing was working on some sort of stupid book. An idea that flourished in my head just before we all graduated.
The shit thing was, I didn't even feel comfortable telling Rae about it.
Mike knew about it. But that was it. I didn’t want to tell Ally, because I knew she’d mention it to Rae. Which would then kick up yet another fight about why I didn’t tell Rae first. And how the hell was I supposed to phrase that answer? Hey, I didn’t tell you about something happy going on with me because you’ve been miserable and I don’t know why?
Yeah. That’d get me a speeding ticket as I zoomed through Relationship City and crash-landed in Single Town.
“You guys want to take a walk along the pier?”
Mike’s voice pulled us both from our trances and I nodded.
“Sure,” I said.
But Rae had a different answer.
“Nah, you guys go ahead. I’m going to sit here a little while longer.”
I furrowed my brow. “You don’t want to go?”
She shrugged. “My legs hurt from rollerblading. I just want to rest.”
“I’ll carry you, if you’d like.”
“Clint, it’s fine.”
“Piggy-back style?”
“Clint, I said I don’t want to go.”
“Bridal style? I know you like that one.”
“Clint.”
I sighed. “Rae, please. Come take a walk on the pier with me. Let’s watch the sunset together.”
After a long pause, she finally nodded her head. I helped her out of the booth before she jumped onto my back, and away we went. I carried her effortlessly as Ally and Mike walked in front of us. Hand in hand, unable to get enough of each other. Their arms bumped together and they kept whispering to each other. Giggling. Laughing and playing around. I missed things like that with me and Rae. I missed having those moments with her.
All I got from her nowadays were heavy sighs and rolls of her eyes.
We all walked to the pier and I set Rae down. She rollerbladed softly at my side as I kept up with my long strides. With our hands cupped, but no fingers threaded together, I felt us drifting apart. The more we walked, the further away our bodies became. Until her hand fell away from mine.
And she skated up further by herself.
Mike and Ally kept peeking back at me. Shooting me glances and looks I wanted to slap right off their fucking faces. It made me angry, seeing those glances. And I hadn’t experienced that kind of anger in months. Not since the turn of the year, when things really settled down with Cecilia and myself.
Despite the bullshit Dad kept throwing our way.
We all got to the end of the pier and I gazed out over the water. I didn’t bother going after Rae. If she wanted to come stand beside me, she would. I kept stealing glances over at Mike. Over at Ally. At the way they intertwined with one another. At the way Ally let Mike hold her close. I ached to have that with Rae again. I couldn't even remember the last time we’d made love.