“I needed some time to think things through.”
Rae nodded. “I know. I’m sorry I couldn't leave you alone.”
I snickered. “You don’t ever have to apologize for that. I would’ve been more concerned had you not contacted me at all.”
“Hear that, Michael?”
Water splashed Rae and she squealed. The sound made me smile from ear to ear.
“I did take some time to think, though. And… I understand where you’re coming from.”
Rae’s eyes whipped back to mine. “What?”
My hand fell to my side. “If you need a fresh start here at Cal State, then that’s what you need. It’s what you should do.”
“Clint, wait--”
“This is your future, Rae. This is your life. And you deserve to paint it how you see fit.”
“Clint, no, no, no, jus--”
“It’s okay. Look, you don’t need to constantly try to accommodate me into your plans. I can figure out my own way.”
“Clint, list--”
I sighed. “Really, Rae. I promise. I’ll be okay. This is your life. And if the timing isn’t right for us, then maybe it will be in the future. You know, when your college years are behind you.”
“Wait, what?”
I nodded. “We’ve got all the time in the world. And if our time doesn’t ever come back around? Then it doesn’t.”
She searched my eyes as I waited with baited breath for her to say something. Anything to give me relief, or confirm my notions, or tell me to fuck off. I had researched this speech all the way back. I walked from the library back to the hotel in the glaring sun just to give myself time to get this right. For once.
“I promise you, it’s going to be okay,” I whispered.
Rae’s eyes dried up. Her tears evaporated in the sun. She didn’t move, though. She seemed rooted to her place. I didn’t know if she was shocked, or relieved, or angry, or hurt. She didn’t give me anything to go on, and I started worrying.
So I proceeded forward.
I slipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out a sheet of paper. I unraveled it, scanning the notes I’d made in the library. I grinned at the recent memory. How hard I’d tried tracking down a simple piece of paper and a pen before the librarian told me I could type up a Word document and print it out. At no cost to me. I felt like an idiot. Then again, I’d never been partial to typing things up. I preferred writing them down. It helped me to remember things.
But that meant Rae wouldn’t have to sift through my chicken scratch to read my notes.
“Look, I don’t know why I ended up at campus today. But that’s where my feet took me. So I took advantage of it.”
I handed her the piece of paper and she took it.
“What’s this?”
I grinned. “Notes I took for you.”
She looked back up at me. “What kind of notes?”
I snickered. “The kind that might help you going forward with your degree.”
“I’m not following.”
I chuckled softly. “Once I got to campus, I found my way into the library. I started looking things up. Trying to figure out how I could help you. How I could help, maybe, sift through some of this confusion you’re feeling. Or experiencing deep down. I looked up all sorts of things. There’s some description on the graphic design classes they have here. Concentrations in their English department.”