The two of them looked at one another before Clint nodded for her to go back inside. I hated being on the outside like this. I hated no longer being a part of their lives. I mean, I’d always felt like an outsider. But I never thought I’d feel that way with Clint again. Truth be told, it hurt worse than anything else. Being privy to Clint’s life and bonding with Cecilia only to see them completely shut me out felt like hell on earth. Like I’d ascended into Dante’s Inferno and was living it for myself.
I snickered. “Yeah. I’ll just—I’ll head out.”
Clint reached for me. “It’s nothing personal. We’re just—”
I waved my hand in the air. “If you need me, you know where to find me.”
I scooped up my things and hopped over the railing of his porch. I fell to the ground and skinned my knees, but I didn’t give a shit. I heard Clint rushing for me, but I held out my hand. Two could play his game. If he wanted to shut me out, then I’d shut him out.
No holds barred.
I glared at him before I walked across his lawn. With dirty knees and a hole where my heart used to be, I made my way down the road, slowly creeping toward the school. I knew something had flustered Cecilia. I knew something serious had gone down. But the way they treated me was unacceptable. Like I hadn’t saved Clint’s life, helped him keep his grades afloat in the hospital, and helped him transition back into school. Like none of that shit had occurred. At all.
Like it had all been erased from time.
You’re being selfish, Rae.
“I know I’m being selfish,” I murmured.
They’re about to lose their house.
“Yeah, well. When do I get to be an important part of the equation?”
You are important.
“To who? Not Clint. Not my mother. Not Michael and Allison.”
They’re your best friends.
“Yeah, but I’m not their number one anymore. I’m no one’s number one.”
I felt like I’d blown a gasket in my brain, arguing with myself. But who else was I going to talk to? Michael and Allison were sucking face every chance they got. I couldn't have ten uninterrupted minutes with Clint. Cecilia wasn’t someone I could talk to. And my mother had lost her damn mind with D.J. coming into our home and trying to run it as he saw fit. I had no one. Nothing. No one to turn to. No one who understood me. No one who loved me enough to put me first for once.
I just want to be important to one person. Just one. Anyone.
Fucking hell, I’d take the stray cat in the neighborhood at this point.
I walked aimlessly until I found myself staring at the front doors of the school. I walked inside and looked at the clock before heaving a heavy sigh. I felt like that’s all I did now. Sighed, cried, and turned in homework. I’d missed lunch. History only had about thirty more minutes left. If I walked in now, the teacher would berate me for sure. But if we’d had a pop quiz or something in class, she’d still let me take it.
So I headed into history class.
I walked inside and saw Allison turn around. Her eyes widened as I came into view, closing the door behind me. Our teacher leveled me with a stare. Students snickered at me from all angles. And as I made my way to my seat, the teacher tsked me.
“Not the time to start slipping, Miss Cleaver.”
I nodded. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not.”
There had been no pop quiz. But I had just enough time in class to read through the next chapter. Doing homework while not paying attention to the lecture. That had become my signature move here recently. The bell tolled for classes to switch, but the teacher asked me to stay behind.
I couldn't stay long, though. Otherwise, I’d be late for my last class of the day.
“And where were you, Miss Cleaver?”
I packed up my things. “I had to go see someone.”
“Is this someone your boyfriend?”