“That’s the thing. I don’t. I’m not shaking because I regret it. I’m shaking because—”
I flopped down onto my back, staring up at her ceiling fan. How the hell did I explain any of this to her when I couldn't even explain it to myself?
Allison lay down next to me. “You don’t need all the answers now. Just talk about what you can.”
My hands covered my face. “What the actual fuck is happening with my life right now?”
She giggled. “I know one thing we have to figure out, though. And that’s what to do about Clinton come Monday.”
“I… I don’t know, Allison.”
“Well, let’s start with what you want to do. What do you hope happens Monday?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know that either.”
“We should figure it out, then. Because something tells me he’s not going to leave you alone. Nothing is ever that easy with him.”
“I didn’t fuck him so he’d leave me alone.”
She paused. “Then why did you?”
I closed my eyes. “Because it felt like he understood me. And I liked that.”
Allison took my hand as the two of us stared at the ceiling. The smell of nail polish remover slowly faded away, but the memories of last night didn’t. I squeezed her hand, trying not to think about it. Trying not to root myself in last night. But I couldn't help it. The way I’d fallen asleep against Clint. The way his muscles felt cradling me last night. How I woke up at four in the morning only to realize I’d fallen asleep right beside him. Wrapped up in him. With my leg pressed between his and my head tucked underneath his chin.
It was so unlike the Clint Clarke I knew.
And yet, it made all the sense in the world.
Allison cleared her throat. “Penny for your thoughts.”
I squeezed her hand again. “I fell asleep with him last night.”
“What time did you get home?”
“About four-thirty in the morning.”
“Did he take you home?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t want to wake him up.”
“Why not?”
Because I knew if he asked me to stay, I would have.
I sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know much of anything right now. I just—needed to tell someone. And you were the only person I could think of that wouldn’t completely alienate me for it.”
The room fell silent as butterflies ignited in my gut. The same kind of butterflies I’d had last night. Why the fuck did I feel this way? It felt like I had a crush on the school’s biggest asshole. Which was wrong on so many accounts I couldn't even begin to explain all of it to myself. I closed my eyes, trying to push all the memories away. It was a one-time moment I had the chance to write off as me being completely vulnerable. Not right in the head, what with everything going on between my mother and her bullshit boyfriend. And I knew people would believe me, too. If I told them it was a moment of absolute insanity due to my home life, they wouldn't question things.
But I’d know it wasn’t the truth.
And Clint might pay a hefty price for it.
Why the fuck do I care what kind of price he pays for it? He beat up my best friend!
“Shit,” I whispered.
Allison snickered. “Sounds like we need to find a distraction for you today.”