I shrugged. “Think what you want, but it’s true. I come here at night, sit where you are so I can look between those trees, and I get the perfect view of the north star.”
I looked over at her, watching as her eyes lifted. I saw her gazing through the trees before they widened a bit. She looked over at me, shock pouring over her features. Then she went back to staring at the ground. She scooted over a bit, closer to the edge of the bench. Away from me, like I was the plague. Like I was some sort of virus. Like I was a piece of trash she wanted nothing to do with.
And I don’t know what the fuck spurred my mouth to start running. But once it started, I couldn't stop it.
“I came here the first time my father ever hit me. I had a teacher threatening to hold me back in eighth grade because I never turned in my homework, of all things. And the fight that ensued with my father was rough. It was the first time I’d ever yelled at him. The first time I’d ever stood up to him. And when he saw I wasn’t backing down, he hit me. He hit me so hard it threw me clean across the damn room. I ran out of the house, got on my pedal bike, and didn’t stop until I collapsed with exhaustion in this park. Slept on this bench until morning, before Roy’s parents found me laying out on this thing.”
I felt Rae’s eyes slowly panning over to me as I sighed heavily.
“At school, it’s easy to forget about all that shit. It’s easy to forget about home. About my mother. About my father and how aggressive he is. I get to be a different version of me there. A stronger version of me.”
Rae scoffed. “You think you’re stronger because people are afraid of you?”
I shrugged. “I guess.”
She paused. “You know, that’s actually pretty typical. Guys like you don’t have power at home, so you take it out on others in a place where you feel powerful.”
“I take it you have a point here?”
“I do. It means your sob story isn’t so special. Or sob-worthy.”
The laughter that bubbled up my throat spewed out of my mouth before I could catch it. I tucked my arms over my chest, letting my head fall back. My eyes closed as laughter took over me. My shoulders shook and my stomach jumped, and for the first time in a long time I felt free of the chains of my home. Without having to be at school.
Which was a miracle in and of itself.
“What's wrong with you, Clint?”
I sighed, trying to rein in my laughter. “Oh, ho ho. Holy fuck. So much, Rae. So much is wrong with me
. But let’s be real for a second. You're just as screwed up as I am, at the end of the day.”
She didn’t answer, and that caused me to look over at her. I saw her curl even more into herself, and something inside me wanted to reach out to her. Physically. I forced it back, though. I tucked my arms tighter underneath my arm pits, trying my best to make her feel comfortable.
Because I wanted her to be comfortable around me, for some reason.
I sighed. “Look, I get it. You don’t have a good home life. You look at all those big houses we have and the fancy clothes Michael and Allison wear, and you think it’s a better life. But it isn’t. We all have our issues. My dad slaps me around more than I care to admit. I’m sure your mom has some equally fucked-up shit she does to you.”
Rae spat. “Which is none of your business.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But it does you no good not to talk about it.”
“Oh, like you talk about it with everyone?”
“I just did, didn’t I?”
And then, as if the heavens decided to actually play in my favor, Rae sighed.
“Mom’s got this boyfriend. D.J. And he’s such a shitbag of a guy, you know? I mean, I know it broke my mother down when my dad left. I was only three, so I don’t remember shit about him or anything. But, she just filtered through so many stupid men before landing on, what? D.J.? Some dude that pays some of her bills sometimes and slaps her around a bit? Fucking hell, I can’t stand it when they start arguing. One minute, he’s bringing over Italian dinner for a nice meal, bringing her flowers. Bringing me gifts. And the next minute? Mom’s got a black eye and she’s out drinking at bars all weekend before dragging nameless men home to try and make herself feel less alone. I don’t get it. Why can’t she just… survive without them? Why can’t she just put in the effort to thrive? Why does some guy have to be the miraculous answer to all her problems? It’s exhausting after a while. Trying to keep up and deal with it all in the background.” Then, after a pause, “But not as exhausting as being around you. You really do me in. I’d take D.J. over you any day.”
I chuckled and shook my head. Ever the strong one. Trying to keep up that icy demeanor when all she wanted to do was drop her guard. Nevertheless, the need to reach out and hug her was so great I felt myself shaking. I wanted to punch whoever this D.J. guy was until his eyes fucking bulged. How dare he treat a woman like that? How dare he think he could put his hands on a woman and get away with it? I watched Rae’s cheeks blush deeply. Even in the darkness, I saw her skin redden. And as she flickered her eyes toward mine, she scoffed.
“What?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I can’t believe I just told you all that.”
“Why?”
“You mean, other than the fact that you’re the biggest asshole at our school?”