That security was what had given me the courage to start hatching my plan.
Because I was fine with giving up my old profession, with learning what it was like to put down roots, to learn to spend my life with friends who were quickly becoming more like family.
But I refused to be wholly dependent on Che.
I wanted something for myself.
And the nice chunk of money I'd won at the race would be added to the stash I already had, and would help fund my new dream for the future.
But it was one I needed to run past Che and then the rest of the guys first.
"I know you said the repair shop is just a couple months away from opening up again," I said, watching the dark woods, the headlights playing games with the shadows.
Huck had been pushing the shop project into overdrive since the baby was born. He knew how important it was for the club to have a legitimate business. It was the only way they were going to keep the IRS off their backs, would allow the other men to eventually buy their own homes, would set up a safety net for income if something ever happened with the arms trade.
The building had finally been rented, the updates were being made even as we spoke, and the guys were trying to figure out who would run what there.
"Yeah. Did you want to work at the shop?" he asked, glancing over.
"Sort of. But then again, not really at all," I told him, feeling my belly flip-flop around. "I want to propose the idea of adding on to the shop."
"Adding on how?"
"I would like to open an independent auto parts store," I told him. "One we could attach to the garage. One where we might sell items a certain group of local somebodies might want to upgrade their cars with. Having a hard time finding the parts to do our builds really got me thinking. It lends a little more legitimacy to the repair shop. And it gives you guys another way to wash some of the money."
Che drove for a long moment in silence, making my mind race from one terrible conclusion to the next so quickly that I felt nauseated.
"It's fine if you think it's a silly plan," I told him, even though my ego felt like it was being crushed to dust with each passing second. "Oh, God. No, you don't have to pull over to break the news to me," I said as he pulled off to the side of the road. "It's fine. I get it. I will come up with another way to spend this money."
"Hey," he said, reaching out to put a hand on my thigh. "This is what you've been cooking up?" he asked.
"It's just a silly little—" I started.
"Don't," he cut me off. "Don't do that. Don't minimize it. I think it is a great idea."
"You do?" I wanted to say his opinion didn't matter, but it did. And, what's more, I wanted his opinion to matter. That was the point of having a partner, right? Because their thoughts and input were important to you, and yours to them.
"It's brilliant, Sass. I know it is important for you to have something that is yours. And this is something you're passionate about. It would put all these years of work to good use."
"Right?" I asked, excitement bubbling up, chasing away the anxiety and uncertainty. "When the idea came to me, I thought it would be perfect. It fits my skillset. It works with the club. It is a business that could, eventually, run without me having a big hand in it down the line if we, you know, if we decide to have kids."
"If?" he said, head ducking to the side. "The way you've been looking at Axton lately, I thought you wanted kids for sure."
I did.
God, I did.
I always figured kids would be a part of my future eventually. But it had always been a sort of abstract thought, something that was still hard to wrap my head around, to see in my life.
Then Axton went from a concept to an actual living, breathing little human in my arms, it just seemed to click. I felt bad sometimes because I took him, and kind of monopolized a nice chunk of his day. But I couldn't help it. It was fascinating to watch his eyes start to work, taking in his environment, to see his smiles go from involuntary to genuine, to learn what ways he liked to be bopped and rocked, which songs he found most soothing.
And I just really, really wanted to learn about those things with a baby that was half me, and half Che.
"I really want kids," I clarified. "I mean, not tomorrow or the next day. But after we get the business settled, and figure out where we will live when we start to grow our family."