“The day you were first inside me,” I said softly, bringing him back to the start of the conversation, “we’d been touching each other for hours. We’d both climaxed too many times to count with our hands and our mouths.”
His eyes met mine, a moment of intimacy we’d shared a thousand times before, only this one felt different in a way I could not define. Perhaps because we were reminiscing about two people who no longer existed. “We were drunk on each other, weren’t we, Karys? We didn’t even know—” His breath came short as he let out a small groan, his lids closing to half-mast. “We didn’t even know how anything worked, but I laid on top of you and started kissing you and I pushed inside, just a little, and God, it was like I’d just landed in heaven. Just like now. I came before I’d even started moving.”
I gripped Zakai’s back, lifting my hips so his every thrust hit the place that made little sparkles of pleasure dance before my eyes. “Yes, I remember. I loved that day,” I panted. Because I had. He was right, I’d been drunk on him, drunk on the pleasure we’d learned to bring one another, drunk on the way everything seemed more wonderful, more beautiful, glowing with color and life and wonder.
Zakai sped up and my vision went hazy as my muscles began tightening. “I loved you so completely,” he breathed and I came, gasping out his name, my fingernails raking down his back as he moaned his own pleasure, collapsing on top of me, both of us breathing harshly into the quiet of my new bedroom. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he went on softly. “About us. I dreamed then. I had nothing but I believed my dreams were valuable, and I offered each of them to you. It wasn’t ugly, Karys,” he murmured against my neck. “Despite where we were, it was innocent. And it was natural. It wasn’t about anything other than you and me. It wasn’t on anyone’s terms but our own.” He lifted himself slightly, gazing down at me. “You’ve always been confident when it came to what brings me pleasure because we learned together. We taught each other. We’ve never been with anyone else.”
Alarmed, I stilled. “Do you . . . do you want to be . . . with someone else?”
His eyes warmed and he smiled. “No. God, no, little star.” He cupped my face and slid his thumb over my cheekbone. “You’re the only one I’ll ever want. But you . . .”
I reached up, laying my hand over his. “Zakai! I’d never want anyone but you. Your dreams are valuable. Why are you even suggesting any of this?”
He sighed. “I just wonder . . .”
“If you’re enough for me?” I asked, incredulous. “You’re more than enough. Always.”
He stared into my eyes, his liquid with emotion and I loved him so much it felt as if it might burst from my body like a thousand rays of light filtering through my pores. “Always,” he whispered back.
I ran my hand down the velvety skin of his back, and over the rounded muscles of his backside. I wasn’t exactly sure where this was coming from. Partly my confusion was general, but partly my brain was clouded by the lingering haze of bliss.
“There are other things to be confident in though, Karys. Things . . . things that really matter—”
“You matter,” I said, frowning. What could matter more than my love for Zakai? I couldn’t fathom a thing.
“I know,” he said, our bodies disconnecting as he rolled off me. “I know and I love you. I love you so much it hurts me.”
I rolled to my side, resting my elbow on the mattress, supporting my head with my hand. He looked unhappy despite the pleasure we’d just experienced and it concerned me. “Why are you saying this, Zakai?”
A knock at the door startled me, and Zakai rushed off the bed and grabbed his pants. “Hold on, please,” I called as we both haphazardly pulled on our clothes. Had we been loud? I had no idea. It’d never mattered before and I was not used to making it a point to notice. I smoothed my hair quickly as I moved toward the door, pulling it open and greeting Braxton with a flustered smile. “Yes?” I asked.
Braxton’s jaw was tight. He looked over my shoulder at Zakai. “Aren’t you supposed to be back at your residence at a certain time?”
“Yes,” I answered on his behalf, “but not for several—”
“Actually,” Zakai interrupted, walking to where I stood and kissing me quickly on the forehead, “I should get back early. I’m supposed to help with preparing the evening meal.”
My stomach dropped. It felt like he’d just arrived and now he was leaving. “But I thought—”