“Are you happy now?”
“Yes.” Huh? What was with that blunt reply? “You never look at me anymore. You avoid me as if I’m carrying the plague.”
“That’s not—”
“I don’t blame you for pretending to hate me, but it’s not going to change anything. You’ll always be mine.”
Where was this coming from? I couldn’t find the words to reply right away. My first thought was to immediately shoot down his accusation.
The second was that maybe leaving all these misunderstandings as they were would benefit me in the long run. There was a physical ache in my chest, leaving those words to linger between us, but I persevered by changing the subject.
““So?” Unsure what to do with my arms, I crossed them loosely and popped out a hip, trying to appear unaffected. “Why are you going on another run?”
“There’s something I need to see personally.”
He’d replied without missing a beat. What had I really been expecting? Samael never let himself be vulnerable.
“Something that’s not in the gigantic storage unit you’ve got?”
“Yeah,” he replied dismissively.
“Okay, so what time are you leaving, and who are taking with you?”
He tilted his head to the side and gave me a scrutinizing perusal. “What’s with all questions, Lils? Planning on going somewhere?”
My pulse spiked. There was no way he could know what we were up to, right? That wasn’t why I’d even asked. I was genuinely concerned about him. Composure in check, I waved his question off.
“Only if you take me with you.”
“You and I both know that’s not possible.”
“But why? I’ve been at the lodge for over a year. I’m going stir crazy.”
“When will you let it go? We’ve been over this. It isn’t safe for you out there.”
“It’s not safe for you either!”
“You don’t know what they’re—”
He cut himself off and ran a hand through his hair, a sign he was frustrated. “Fuck, Lilith. You’re the only person who drives me fucking crazy.”
“Good,” I lilted. Then, because he’d just irritated me, I looked around the room for something to launch at his damn head.
His gruff burst of laughter had my attention bouncing back to him.
“Looking for something to throw?”
“No. That would be childish.”
He gave me a cocky grin. “I think you forget how well I know you, babygirl.”
His smile…his smile was what made the truth strike me. That this could be the last time we were together like this. The harsh slap of reality stoked flames of slow burning anger and caused my heart to split further apart. I hadn’t remotely begun to contemplate this. I didn’t know how to process life without him.
If he were the sun, I was the moon. One wasn’t supposed to be able to exist without the other, but he’d gone and built a wall between us, taking on the weight of the world alone.
I knew he had his reasons, protecting me amongst them. He’d done that time and time again. Then one day he’d stopped letting me in. I didn’t understand. To think I’d have to walk away from him when there was so much left to talk about…How was it possible to feel this level of pain and still be so in love?
“I didn’t want this.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked, harsher than I meant to. The bitterness that crept up my throat earned me another look I couldn’t decipher.
“I didn’t come here to argue with you.”
“Then why are you here? This cabin isn’t exactly near anything or anyone else.”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be awake when I head out tomorrow. I came to make sure you were okay.”
“As you can see, I’m fine.” I stretched my arms out on either side of me.
He narrowed his eyes, his expression going from stoic to studious. “You’re lying.”
“How are you going to tell me what or how I feel?”
“Because you tend to lie about it.”
“Mal.” I sighed and rubbed my brow. “I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do. I’m fine. You can leave now.”
“Nah, I think I’ll stay here tonight.”
“That better be sarcasm.”
Of course, with my luck it wasn’t. He began to kick his boots off, stretching leisurely in the process.
“Um. What are you doing? The couch is in the other room.”
“If you need me to clarify, I meant I’ll be sleeping in your bed.”
Oh, no. I couldn’t be that close to him right now. My resolve was on the line.
“And how would Dawn feel about this?”
“That you think about her far more than I do? She’d probably feel freaked the fuck out.”
“Whatever. You can have the bed. I’ll take the couch.”
I started to storm past him. He side-stepped and blocked my path.
“If I’m sleeping in your bed, it’s because you’re in it.”
“But I’m not.”
“I can fix that.”
He scooped me up, hoisting me over his shoulder as if I weighed nothing. Ignoring all my protests and struggles, he carried me to the bed and dropped me.