The walls were a basic gray, the furniture a mix of navy blue and coral. In the far corner was my hamster’s cage. Some days it felt as if he were the only constant in my life. No fault of his, of course.
I was aware of my shortcomings as a friend, a sister, and a daughter. I’d never graduated high school, obtaining my GED a year after dropping out. My friend with benefits left the picture entirely two years ago, vanishing without so much as a, “fuck you”.
This was months after meaningless sex and his abuse of prescription pills, so I wasn’t too heartbroken about it. We were too screwed up and dysfunctional to ever become a real couple.
All in all, there wasn’t much for me to be proud of other than the fact I was still breathing and could take care of myself.
This was to be expected seeing as I was unfortunately an adult.
I’d have given my left lung to go back to being young again. I was more motivated and determined—fearless even. I wasn’t sure when that changed, why, or when. All I knew for certain was that being a grown-up was overrated.
The silence was shattered abruptly by the Halsey song Chloe had assigned as her exclusive ringtone. I swiped across the screen without hesitation. Unlike with my mom, I could talk to her all hours of the day.
“Hey.”
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Do you have a minute?” I asked.
“Always for you. What’s going on?”
I stood and went to rinse my bowl, relaying everything as I poured soggy cereal down the garbage disposal.
She blew out a breath when I was done. “Wow. That’s a lot to take in. Your crazy ass mom aside, are you okay? Do you want me to come over? Stupid question, I’m on my way.”
Though she couldn’t see me, I quirked a brow. Her reaction was much more endearing than my moms’, and just as unnecessary. “You don’t have to do that. I’m fine, but I need your advice.”
“All the more reason for me to come. I don’t have to work until four. I’ll be there in an hour.”
I went to protest again, being met with the silence that came from no one listening. For the second time that morning, I’d been hung up on.
With Chloe coming over I had to put actual clothes on. She wouldn’t have cared, but I thought the least I could do was make myself presentable. Presentable being an oversized T-shirt that covered a pair of booty-shorts.
I unlocked the door so she could come right in, then busied myself refilling Hamtaro’s water-bottle and straightening up the front room.
Almost an hour later exactly, Chloe came bursting through my front door, her deep red hair in perfect barrel curls, outfit chic and stylish.
The effort she put into looking so gorgeous all the time exhausted me mentally just thinking about it.
“I brought you food.” She shook one of those put-together meals you could grab from the grocery store.
“This isn’t a wake.” I laughed, accepting the container.
“I knew you wouldn’t accept flowers or sympathy cards, so.” She took a seat on the sofa while I put the food in the kitchen area. “You’re not sad at all?” Her tone wasn’t judgmental, merely curious.
“Not really. You know how our relationship was. Or lack of. Maybe it hasn’t sunken in yet? I don’t know. I’m more upset that I barely knew her and now I never will.”
She nodded, a look of understanding on her cherub face. “How did she die?”
“She’d been sick for a while. I’m assuming it was that. I didn’t ask.”
Gnawing the inside of my lower lip, I pondered the entire situation. Questions began to form in my mind, ones only Alaric would have the answers to. There wasn’t anyone else to speak with about it. I didn’t know anyone else that knew her.
“Would it be wrong to ask him things about her?”
Chloe scoffed and flipped one side of her hair over her shoulder. “Cat, she was your sister.”
That was the response I’d expected, but I wasn’t sure why I’d bothered asking when deep down I didn’t feel as if I had the right to interrogate the man. I’d been physically and emotionally absent when Meg was alive.
I wasn’t there at the most crucial times she would have needed me; my presence now was useless.
But I also knew if I simply went on as if none of this happened and she didn’t exist, the small amount of regret I felt would intensify by ten-fold. It would attack me at the worst possible moments, festering in the back of my mind until suddenly I could think of nothing else, even when I told myself to stop thinking about it.
“I told you he wants to fly me out there. Should I go?”
Chloe jerked her attention away from the screen of her phone. “You answered your own question by asking me that.”