I sigh to myself and zip my backpack up, then I turn around to look at my mom. She’s still in the doorway, a funny little smile on her face—almost sad—as she stares at my backpack.
“You know what I was thinking earlier?” she asks, her gaze still fixed on my school bag.
“What?”
She shifts her gaze to me, putting a little more effort into her smile, but it looks no less sad. “If you were going to Sara’s house to study for your science test… why didn’t you take any of your school books?”
My heart sinks so low, it practically drops out of my body. “What?”
Arms crossed, she shrugs. “Doesn’t really make sense, does it? Plus, why would you put on makeup just to study with Sara?”
Oh, crap.
She knows.
Of course she knows.
I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I thought I could get away with this.
Swallowing past the knot of shame and sadness blocking my throat, I avert my gaze downward. “I messed up. I’m sorry.”
“Hunter?” she asks knowingly.
I nod my head, feeling a sting behind my eyes, but I fight it. “He told me he wanted to go see a movie, but I knew you’d say no because it would sound too much like a date. I didn’t want to lie to you,” I add, looking up at her. “I really didn’t. I hated it.”
I expect her to get mad—I kinda wish she’d get mad, because it’s so much worse that she looks sad instead. After a minute, she says, “Man. I wasn’t ready for this to start yet.”
I shake my head, looking down again. “I don’t think you’ll have to worry about it. He didn’t show up.”
Now she frowns at me. “What?”
“We were supposed to meet up and walk to the movie theater together, but he… he didn’t come. I literally spent the whole time waiting and getting rained on.” My voice wobbles toward the end as I begin to relive the disappointment and embarrassment in my head.
Mom gasps, her sadness turning to anger now, and she rushes into my room to give me a hug. “Oh, honey. Your first date stood you up?”
“I don’t know why,” I say, hugging her back. “I mean, I really thought he liked me. I know I’m not the type of girl he usually hangs out with, but…”
“You are incredible, and anyone who doesn’t agree can fight me,” she states.
I crack a smile, squeezing her a little tighter. “I’m just sad. I’ll get over it.”
She sighs, rubbing my back. “You should have told me. We could’ve talked instead of watching terrible movies.”
“I didn’t want you to know. I felt so stupid, especially after we’ve fought over him. And it really doesn’t make sense. Maybe there’s some explanation. Maybe he got in trouble and his mom grounded him or something. Maybe she took his phone so he couldn’t text me and let me know he wasn’t coming. There could be a reasonable excuse…”
Mom grabs my shoulders and pulls me back, grimacing. “Or… honey… he could just be a dick. You know my ‘this kid’s a dick’ senses have been going off since you met him. I know it’s more hurtful, but it might be time to consider that maybe I’m right about him.”
I swallow, knowing she might be right, but desperately wanting her to be wrong.
Especially because the only scenario I can conjure where she’s right is a really mean one, and it makes me feel really stupid.
In the darkest moments as I sat there on that stupid bridge and waited for him, as I sat on the couch afterward and tried to focus on the movie but my thoughts drifted to what could explain why Hunter would do this to me, a darker idea occurred to me.
What if I’m seeing the side of him I’ve heard about, but considered myself safe from? What if Hunter has been playing me all along? What if he was making it seem like he liked me, luring me in and making me like him, just so he could humiliate me?
What if he does like Valerie, and they thought it would be funny to make an absolute fool out of me? I never thought Valerie hated me, but she could take issue with my standing by Sara after she socially dismissed her. I don’t know.
It would be so mean and so unnecessary, but how many movies have been made where the jackass popular jock plays a trick on the nerdy girl he never noticed before? Maybe it does happen. Maybe he was playing with my heart out of cruelty and not actual interest. Maybe all of our interactions leading up to this moment were just build-up. He needed to get me to agree to go out with him; he needed to soften me up and convince me to break all my own rules to sneak out and see him, then he left me hanging, and he and Valerie are holed up somewhere together laughing about it right now.