“No, you didn’t. I warned you, Hunter. I told you which line not to cross, and you crossed it anyway.”
“And I told you not to tell anyone about Dennis. You did, and I got sent away,” he states. “That’s the past. It’s over now.”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Yes. You hurt me, I hurt you. Let’s stop hurting each other.”
I spin around to look at him in disbelief. “It’s not the same, Hunter. You hurt me on purpose. I never did that to you.”
Frustration flits across his face. He turns his head and looks out my bedroom window. I watch his jaw clench, note the irritation flickering in his gaze, but when he looks back at me, he surprises me a little by saying, “Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry.”
He says the words like they don’t mean anything, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised when they don’t make a difference.
It rubs me the wrong way.
“Great. I’m glad you’re sorry,” I say shortly.
“I am,” he snaps right back. “I think I’ve been telling you how sorry I am in a bunch of different ways since I realized I fucked up.”
“Okay. Do you want a medal? Another trophy to add to the case? MVP of apologizing goes to Hunter Maxwell!”
“Stop,” he says, his turbulent gaze locked on mine.
I shrug, raising my eyebrows. “What do you want me to say, Hunter? You’re sorry. Great. So am I. It doesn’t change anything.”
“How does it not change anything?” he demands. “I forgave you. I didn’t even want to, I just couldn’t fucking stay mad at you. I’ve never encountered that before. You fucked up my whole life and I couldn’t even hold it against you when I came back. But me, I fuck up and no matter how sorry I am, it doesn’t matter? You’re done with me? I lose you?”
His words sting, so I drop his gaze. “You didn’t lose me, Hunter. Unless you tripped and fell into Valerie Johnson’s vagina after I expressly asked you not to touch her, you threw me away. And I’m not done with you, I just…”
I’m at a loss for how to explain what I feel, but he deserves an explanation, so I try.
“I can’t shake it. Sometimes I lie awake at night imagining you with her, thinking about how you stayed with her even after you slept with me.” I look back up at him, a glint of remorse in my eyes. “It’s a bridge too far for me, Hunter. I’m sorry. I tried to warn you. I didn’t want it to go this way. I love you, I think I always will, but… I can’t be with you.”
He’s silent for a moment, then he says raggedly, “I must not mean that much to you if you’d let her come between us.”
His words hit somewhere deeper. I think because they come from somewhere deep inside him.
My gaze snaps to his, all of the uncertainty and tiptoeing apology draining out of me. I’m clear and sure as I tell him, “No. Valerie didn’t come between us, Hunter. You did. You could’ve played your games and still respected my one rule, but you chose to disrespect me. I would choose you over almost anyone in the world, but… you made me choose between you and my own self-respect. That’s one fight you’ll never win.”
He stares at me for a moment that seems to go on forever. The air around us is heavy. I know this isn’t how either of us saw this conversation going.
Even I had my doubts about how strong I could be when he had me alone in my room like this, but at the end of the day… I have to make the choice I can live with, even if it hurts.
Finally, seeming to accept my words, Hunter nods. “All right, then.”
My heart sinks. There’s an aching finality to those words. It incites panic. I meant what I said; I’m not issuing empty threats, wanting him to grovel for me, but…
He walks over to the window and lifts it. Before he climbs out, he looks back. “If you’re pregnant, tell me, okay?”
I feel like I can’t breathe. Tears sting my eyes. I can feel fissures cracking open inside me as my composure splinters. I clutch at it desperately, trying to keep myself together until he’s gone.
I only need to be strong for another minute.
I nod my head. Tears well up in my eyes. The panic swells.
He nods, too.
Then he climbs out.
I feel rooted to the spot, but desperate to rip those roots out of the ground and run after him. I want to call him back. I want to tell him I changed my mind. I want to scream at him for putting me in this position to begin with, but beg him not to go.
I don’t move.