She scowled at him, but didn’t say a word. Thank the Lord. Because I was two seconds away from figuring out what it felt like to smack someone in the face.
Max winked at me before he walked away and I stood there. Watching him go. And when he finally disappeared off toward the horizon that held the library, I sighed. I pushed past Hannah and made my way for the elevator. I didn’t want to speak with her, I didn’t want to look at her, and I sure as hell didn’t want to talk to her.
“Hey, aren’t you going to wait for me?”
Her arm jutted in between the closing elevator doors before she slid in.
“Damn. All right. I’m ready,” she said.
I shrugged before I pressed the button for the top floor again.
“So you want to talk?”
I didn’t acknowledge the question as the elevator kept pulling us up to the top of the building.
“Fine. I’ll talk, then. Your relationship with him is unhealthy, at best. He shouldn't be pulling you away from your studies. And he damn sure shouldn’t be seeking you out while you’re on campus. That’s creepy. And weird. And I don't like it.”
The doors of the elevator opened and I strode out.
“Dani, are you even listening to me? I’m telling you this for your own good!”
I didn’t stop moving until I was inside our dorm and standing at the window. Waiting and watching for Max to drive by. I was worried. The last time he dropped me off at my dorm room, he’d almost been killed. I chewed on my nails as I kept my eyes outside, half-listening to Hannah rattle her head off.
“I mean, look at you. You’re already watching for him at the window. There’s a life outside there, Dani. A life that wants to meet you. Friends that want to meet you on campus. Grades that need to be gotten. And you can’t have any of that if you’re too busy straddling the back of some dude’s bike. He’s going to get you in trouble.”
Relief flooded my veins as I heard a bike off in the distance. The engine roared louder. And louder. Until finally I saw its headlights. There was Max, rounding the corner, his helmet turned toward my dorm building. I saw him lift his hand and I smiled as I lifted my own. I watched him drive off, no worse for wear, and I felt as if I could finally get a peaceful night’s sleep.
“Have you heard a word I’ve said?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Hannah. Unfortunately.”
She snickered. “Unfortunately?”
I turned toward her. “Yes. That’s what I said. You don’t even know the man, Hannah. You’re all bent out of shape over literally nothing right now.”
Her eyes widened. “Really? Because I think I’m the right amount of bent out of shape. He’s bad news. You can practically smell it on him. You just have your blinders on because you think he’s hot.”
“Uh, when have you ever known me to be reckless? I don’t take risks. I make calculated decisions.”
“Well, you’re not being calculated about this. And if you’re not careful, he’ll take you down with him, and you’ll have nothing.”
I watched as she reached for her shower caddy and dug around for a towel. She looked over at me before she snickered and stormed back through the door. I stood there, alone, in the middle of our dorm room, wishing I was anywhere else.
Preferably with Max.
I f
elt angry and frustrated. But, more than that, I felt policed. I felt as if I was right back at home, having my every move and my every word questioned. I didn’t come to college for this. I came to college not just to get an education, but to get away from that bullshit. I loved my parents. I loved my childhood. But I was ready to be a bit freer with my life. Not always having to succumb to all these expectations and be someone I wasn’t inside.
That’s how I felt with Max.
I felt a little more like myself.
I turned back toward the window and gazed outside, wondering where Max was. What he was up to. Whether or not he missed me. Because I sure missed him. A lot. Being with him made me feel strong. It didn’t make me feel like this weak-willed little people pleaser I had become. I was stronger at his side. More capable. I felt like I had a voice, and I felt like he listened to that voice.
I enjoyed who I was around Max. And no one would take that away from me. Not my parents, not my roommate, and certainly not my studies.
I finally felt as if I was coming into my own. Learning all about who I was and who I wanted to be.