I can’t, in good conscience, as his friend and rehab specialist, deny him the truth or lie to him when what’s at stake is his belief in his own neurological function, separating dreamscape from memory and fantasy from reality. I take a deep breath, and Asa invades my space more. His eyes search mine anxiously, and he brings his other palm to rest on the wall beside my head. I’m caged in by his volatile body, which seems at odds with the innocence of not fully remembering his past. And it’s up to me to be straight with him, both as a trusted friend and as his caregiver. Trust is the single most important function Asa needs to regain to make it in the real world.
I lick my lips and listen to my own heart pound in my chest.
“I promised you my virginity one day after cheerleading practice. It was raining, and I ran into the woods. I was angry because you didn’t seem happy to see me. I’d made you kiss me at the dance, and even though I tried, I couldn’t stop replaying it in my head. So I made you follow me into the woods, and I pledged my virginity to you, because…because I couldn’t imagine anyone else taking it.” My confession comes out in one long, whispered exhale. Asa scans my face, his eyes flitting between my lips and my eyes. Anxiety bubbles up in my chest and lodges in my throat like a rock. I can’t escape his penetrating gaze, and he doesn’t seem to be backing down from the cage he’s created with his arms. The worst part is that admitting the truth has only intensified my arousal, and I stand before him perhaps even more vulnerable this time than the one I’m recounting.
“Did you?” His chest is still heaving. I’m drawn to his mouth, too, his stern jaw a contrast to his soft lips. Clad only in boxing shorts, he cages me in with his huge frame, creating the only jail I’d gladly spend forever in.
“Save it?” My voice cracks trying to answer his question. Then Asa moves in, his mouth crashing into mine in a collision of desire so fraught with tension that the kiss feels violent. It’s a kiss devoid of playfulness, built upon years of patiently waiting and wanting. It’s wrought from a desperation so acute, a kiss alone will not suffice. Asa rips the breath from my body and control from my corner as my hands finally roam his shoulders with a fiery touch that has absolutely nothing to do with his recovery.
“Never mind, it’s none of my business,” he says. He pauses only a second for air before he ducks his head again and recaptures my mouth.
Kissing Asa sparks a revolution in my chest. I vow never to hide my attraction from him, never to push it down to the depths of my inner self. I promise not to waste any more time pretending to be professional and keep up appearances for the sake of other people’s judgment.
When he stops, he lowers his forehead to mine and grabs my jaw, running the pad of his thumb over my bottom lip. His voice is pure gravel and slate. “I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life to do that.”
I have no reply. The kiss has left me speechless. I pull air into my lungs and flush it out again with great effort. I train other clients here; anyone could have seen that very public display of orgasmic kissing. I can’t take his money anymore, so he needs to fire me this instant. And most of all, I can’t keep my hands off him as my fingertips finally get to savor the contours of his bulging bicep.
“I’m not teaming up. I don’t want you to think I kissed you because Crosby and West are together. That’s not… I did that because I’ve wanted to for a long time.”
I can only nod in agreement with him. My entire being is aflame with the possibility of another kiss, and adrenaline mixing together with hormones seems to be flooding my bloodstream. I don’t want to take advantage of Asa being vulnerable, of developing a crush because I’m helping him through a troubled spot.
“I can’t be your nurse anymore, Asa. It wouldn’t be right. I can still train with you, but you’ve got to hire someone else if you want to stay with the program.”
“I could give a fuck about the program, Callie. I just want you in my life.”
His lips are on mine again, and this time, his tongue probes into my mouth, sending another surge of emotion into my system, signaling my readiness. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this kiss.
“I need to shower.” Asa lowers his voice as he grabs his dick through his shorts. “And jerk off before I take you right here on this wall.” I look down between us to see the outline of a good ten inches shrouded in the red rayon of his boxing shorts. His cock is as thick as the rasp of his voice.