“No,” Robbie said, and shook his head, then looked to Priest. “I don’t want that.” Robbie gulped in some air, swallowed, and then blurted out, “I don’t ever want that, and that’s why I think I got so hurt the other day.”
“Then tell us,” Priest said.
Robbie nervously bit at the inside of his cheek. “When that story about your dad came on the news at the brewhouse, your reaction upset me.”
Priest nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry for—”
“It upset me because I didn’t know what was wrong,” Robbie said, not wanting Priest to misunderstand. “Yes, I was shocked by what you told me. But I was hurt because I didn’t know what to do to help and…Julien did.”
As those final words left his lips, Robbie saw understanding dawn in Priest’s eyes. “I…”
This was the first time Robbie had ever seen Priest falter, and that vulnerability made Robbie want to crawl in his lap and wrap his arms around his neck.
“I don’t know what to say.” Priest looked down at their hands and rubbed his thumb over the top of Robbie’s. “I never thought about it like that. I assumed you were upset because of what I had kept from you but that.” Priest raised his head and looked Robbie directly in the eye. “That would’ve upset me too.”
“I mean, I know there are going to be things the two of you have shared without me—you’ve been married for years, and I respect that,” Robbie said, as he looked to Julien and then back to Priest. “I even love it, which most might find a little, I don’t know, weird. But something this important? Something that affects you so strongly that you changed your name? If I’m going to be in your life, if you want me there permanently, I need to understand who it is I’m sleeping with at night—or not sleeping with, in your case.”
“You’re exactly right,” Priest said. “I have no excuse. It was incredibly shortsighted of me to keep this from you without even considering how it would make you feel when you found out.”
Robbie ducked his head, shyness overtaking him now that Priest was acknowledging his feelings. But when Priest hooked a finger under Robbie’s chin and angled his head so their eyes again met, Robbie’s breath caught in his throat.
Those striking eyes of Priest’s were a charcoal grey, and reminded Robbie of the sky before a wicked summer storm. They were both captivating in their beauty and frightening in their intensity.
“Will you let me tell you now?” Priest asked, and Robbie nodded. “Then there’ll be no secrets. And you can decide where we all go from here.”
Chapter Ten
CONFESSION
This is not a pretty story. But it is mine.
“I’M A VERY private person,” Priest said, as he pushed back the covers and got to his feet. He knew if he stayed in that bed beside his two men, there’d be no way he could tell this story. He needed absolute focus to get through the details, and the only way he could do that was by blocking out the rest of the world, because there was no way it, and the horror he had lived through, could actually exist in one reality. The two should never meet, not even by touch.
Priest took a second to glance at the bed to see where Robbie was with all of this, and when he nodded, Priest continued.
“I rarely, if ever, share my life with anyone other than those who are part of it. Some see it as rude; I see it as self-preservation. Ever since I was seven, I’ve lived a life where I’ve always felt the need to look over my shoulder. I don’t sleep well because I don’t like to close my eyes for too long. I don’t connect well because I believed it was safer not to. And I programmed myself not to care for anyone, and it worked, until I met—”
“Julien,” Robbie said.
“Yes, Julien,” Priest said, as Julien placed a hand over his heart and offered a smile—the same smile that Priest had gotten lost in years ago. “And now you.”
When Priest brought his eyes back to Robbie, it was to see him smoothing one of his hands over the duvet nervously, and Priest wished like hell he could spare him this final piece of his puzzle. But Robbie was right: if they wanted everything with him, then it was his turn to put his cards on the table—no matter how shitty the hand.
“Do you know anything about Jimmy?” Priest asked as he began to pace back and forth, and Robbie shook his head.
“Not really. I mean, I’ve seen bits and pieces on TV. But I don’t remember it.”
“And you didn’t look it up the other night?”
“No,” Robbie said, and gave a little shrug. “I almost did, but I decided I’d rather you tell me what I need to know. You and Julien always say that the things we learn about each other, they’re our stories to tell. And I don’t want to hear about yours from anyone but you.”