Lust. A hunger for one woman, not just any woman, a need for Risa that bit into his balls like sharp teeth and left him almost shaking in his need to touch her.
And tonight, he would be sleeping with her.
He reached up to wipe the sweat from his brow at the thought of that.
He was going to have to slide into that bed beside her, sleep beside her, and hold back his lust. Because if he didn’t, he could very well ruin the delicate plan he was laying in place for her. Something far different from using her to catch his.
No, Micah wanted Risa for much more than the fact that she was the only lead they had to Orion. He wanted her because her warmth reached into him. For the first time in his life, someone had touched a part of his soul that he didn’t know existed. A part reserved solely for her.
His father had once told him that every man knew when he found his mate. That one woman who could change a man simply because he loved her. Whether he could actually have her wouldn’t matter, Garren Abijah had warned Micah. What would matter was that loving her, knowing her, would make him a better man.
He feared Risa would be the one woman whom walking away from would destroy the man he was now. He sensed it, like a wolf sensed his mate. Like the flower sensed the sunlight. Like a dead man sensed his ultimate destruction, he thought darkly.
Because he couldn’t have her, not forever. She would never carry the false name he had taken, she would never know what they could have had, because he could never let her know of the feelings that rose inside him whenever he saw her.
He hadn’t just seen her last night.
No, he had seen her before. Many times. Leaving her friends’ homes as he was arriving in the past year or so. The few times he had gone out of his way to find her during the times he had worried that he hadn’t seen her in a while.
Yeah, he’d done that a time or two. Watched for her. Waiting for her. Always knowing, like a damned buck in rut, whenever she was near.
He pushed his fingers through his hair and blew out a hard, weary breath. He was damned tired himself, and sleeping next to her tempting heat was going to be hard.
“Hard” didn’t come close to describing it. And even worse? Damned if he wasn’t looking forward to it.
He took a moment to adjust his stiff cock in his jeans before moving around the apartment. He checked the door and the dead bolts, then the windows. The security system the apartment used was state of the art, but John and Nik had added a bit before Micah arrived at the apartment with Risa.
The advanced electronics now installed would detect a fly if it managed to slip past the seal.
Pursing his lips, he blew out another silent breath before he headed for the bedroom door. She’d finished her shower long minutes before. She was either in the bed or hiding in the bathroom attempting to come up with an argument that would keep him out of her bed.
There was no argument sane enough, he thought. Because the hunger to sleep next to her wasn’t in any way logical.
He opened the door, his eyes quickly adjusting to the dim room and finding her shape in the bed.
Closing the door behind him, he moved to the bed and sat gingerly on the mattress to pull off his boots.
“You didn’t get your pajamas,” she informed him, her voice trembling a bit.
Micah closed his eyes. Did she have any clue how much he hated doing this to her? Could she sense in any way his reluctance to frighten her, or to force her to face her demons?
“I don’t sleep in pajamas, sweet,” he said quietly as the last boot dropped to the floor and he picked it up to set it next to the other before pulling off his socks.
Rising to his feet, he shucked his jeans and underwear first, then his shirt.
“I don’t think I can do this.” She sounded breathless but not frightened. She sounded aroused, and fighting it oh, so hard.
“Do you have a choice?” He didn’t give her time to think.
Flipping back the sheet and comforter, he moved into the bed beside her, almost grinning at the small amount of space the bed afforded both of them.
He pulled the sheet over his hips, adjusted the pillow, and closed his eyes. He didn’t have to see her to sense her. He didn’t have to look at her to feel the warmth of her body next to him.
She was stiff, silent. Micah could feel the tension moving around her, and that tension would keep her from sleeping.
“Are you so frightened of me, Risa?” he asked quietly. “After last night, isn’t there some semblance of trust that will allow you to share this bed with me? Something that tells you I would lay down my own life before I’d harm yours?”
There was nothing, no one, that could convince him to harm her. That could make him further wound the spirit that fought so desperately to survive within her.