Stopping at a streetlight, Luca looked up and saw the Brooks Express Shipping building just ahead. Gavin would be expecting an update, so he might as well go on in and give it to him directly. Maybe he’d have a suggestion on how to make it up to Claire after everything he’d said and done.
In the lobby, he dialed Gavin and waited for his answer.
“Do you realize you’ve called me three times in the past month or so? I’m starting to feel special.”
Luca sighed. “I’m in your lobby. Are you in?”
“I am. I’ve got a meeting in a half hour, but for now, I’m all ears.”
Luca took the elevator up to the floor where Gavin’s office was. He waved at his receptionist, blowing past her desk and into Gavin’s office before she could stop him.
Gavin turned from his computer with an expectant look on his face. “So? Can your boys swim?”
Luca had to laugh at the way his friend phrased such a delicate question. “Yes, they can. They won’t be winning any medals, but they can make it across the pool.”
“Congratulations! Sit down.” Gavin pointed to his guest chair as he got up from his own. “This calls for a celebration.” He wandered over to his wet bar and poured two glasses of dark honey colored liquor.
Luca sat, eyeing his friend’s desk. It was decorated with photographs from his wedding to Sabine, him holding his daughter, Beth, for the first time, all four of them on a plane, then on a beach. It made Luca want that. He wanted to litter his desk with family photos. But something kept holding him back.
Gavin carried the glasses back to the desk and handed one to Luca. Frowning at his friend, he said, “What’s the matter? You look less than enthusiastic about the news.”
Luca sipped the drink and winced at how strong it was. He wasn’t much for Scotch, especially after overdoing it the other night. “I’m happy. Really, I am. But knowing the truth makes my fight with Claire that much worse. I’ve got to get her back somehow, but I don’t know if she’ll forgive me after what I said.”
“Do you love her?” Gavin asked.
Luca nodded without hesitation. He hadn’t actually thought about it, but the minute Gavin asked, the answer popped into his head as clear as day. Claire was unlike any woman he’d ever met. Since the day of their fight, he’d walked around with an aching hole in his chest. He missed her. He missed Eva. Now he even missed their baby growing inside her. He hadn’t been around to take Claire to the doctor, listen to Eva’s heartbeat or supply her with her strange cravings the first time. If he didn’t get this fixed, he would lose his second chance at having the full fatherhood experience.
“I am madly, desperately in love with her, Gavin.” Saying the words aloud made him feel better and worse at the same time.
“Okay.” Gavin’s brows knit together in thought. “So tell me why you’re in my office telling me this instead of on Claire’s doorstep telling her?”
Luca supposed he could go to the museum right now and track her down, but he still had reservations. “It’s not that simple. I’ve never let myself feel this deeply for anyone before. I always felt like I was a broken toy that no one would want, so I never even let myself have the dream of something like that.”
Gavin just shook his head. “You’re a fool, is what you are. You’re a successful guy. You’re handsome enough.”
“Thanks,” Luca said dryly.
“My point is that you’re a great catch. Even with one testicle.”
Luca ignored his friend’s jesting slight. “I’m not a catch. I’m a time bomb. So what if I tell Claire I love her? What if she forgives me and we get married and have the baby together? What if I do all that and my cancer comes back? She’s already been a widow once. I can’t be responsible for her going through that a second time.”
“You can’t live your whole life waiting to die, man. You’ve got to get out there and start living. Anything can happen to any one of us. I could get hit by a cab or have an aneurism and drop dead at my desk with no warning at all. You’ve been in remission a long time. Stop letting your former illness hold you back. If you don’t go to her, you’ve virtually left her a widow anyway—she’s raising your children alone.”
“And what if she’d rather be alone than be with me?”
“Then that is her choice. You can’t make other people’s decisions for them. I went years without Sabine because she decided we weren’t a good fit. I never would’ve let her walk out that door if it had been my choice. But you’ve at least got to give her the opportunity to choose.”